Sunday, December 2, 2018

Pool Table

Today we loaded up the van with Mark's tools and tied the box spring from our bed and the boy's mattresses to the roof of the van.

We got about halfway down route 19 when one of the mattresses flew off into the street. We parked off the side of the road and ran back to rescue the mattress. As we dragged it back to the van a voice asked if we needed any ladders. A nice woman, who it turns out donated to the y building project, had seen what happened and offered us a couple of ladders so we could retie the mattress to the roof.

Once that was accomplished, we continued to the house. We took the mattresses to their respective rooms and the tools to the hanger. After a lunch of leftover pizza, Mark started hooking up the washer and I started to take apart the pool table. Mark was successful on the washer. We made a discovery on the pool table.

After taking apart the sides, I started to pull up the felt so we could take out what we thought were slate plates. However, we discovered it was simply plywood. We slid it out to the Carnegie room where I originally wanted it to be. Once there, however,... it really is just too big, so the table will be going to the hanger.

We tested the washer by washing the curtains from the Carnegie room. It works.
So, pool table figured out and washer and dryer set, we called it quits for the day.

We have so much left. SO MUCH. But we got a great start.

More to come...

New House

November 27, 2018 we bought a house.

It's been a long road and I wish I had been in a place, mentally, to detail the journey. But here we are. A new house.

After signing on Tuesday, we went to the house by ourselves for the first time -- every other time we had the real estate agent chittering. We walked through each room talking about what we wanted or need to do first.

I went alone on Wednesday to steam clean the carpets and taking all the things left on the walls - off. It turns out there was quite a bit left. I spent at least an hour going room to room and figuring out what screw driver was needed. I spent about 4 hours cleaning the carpets. It will probably need to be done again, because the water kept coming out black. I really wish we could afford to replace the carpets with hard wood.

By the time I was done, the carpets were damp, the walls were bare, and I was done.

Thursday I stopped by the storage unit and took the lawnmower and yard tools to the house to get them out of the way in the unit, so we could more easily access the rest of everything. I also grabbed the paint totes and the cleaning totes. Then I headed to the house alone with the intention of cleaning the cabinets.

I unloaded the yard tools from the van into the garage and took the cleaning and paint things inside. The first thing I saw was the pile of things I had taken from the walls and left on the pool table. So, I got an empty tote, put together a box, found an empty garbage can, and got a garbage bag. I began to separate items. I put the wicker and basket things in one, the wooden and ceramic nicnacks into another, the unreal amount of phones into the garbage can for recycling, and the dried flowers into the garbage bag. This made the family room look much better.

Then I started the process of cleaning the refrigerator. I filled the sink with hot soapy water and started to pile up every drawer and partition on the counter. I washed each item and stacked them along the counter. Then I had to clean out the freezer and fridge itself. After that was done I put it all back together. It now looks like a place we would want to store food.

The last thing I did was clean the front of every drawer and cabinet. This alone took nearly an hour. By the time I was done, even though it had all only taken about 4 hours, I decided to call it a day.

Friday November 30

I had a history meeting at 10 and Mark had to work, but planned to leave early because we had a roofer coming to check the roof. I picked Mark up at  11 and we had lunch at Beef O'Brady's. We stopped by the storage unit to pick up the ladder and fill the van with more things to take to the house.

Once at the house, I started to clean out the the inside of the cabinets and Mark tried to get the baseboards off the Carnegie room. The roofer came. Mark helped me clean the two cabinets that were deeper than I could reach. We then made a list of what we needed to get from Kokomo.

The first stop was Lowe's. We finally decided on a color for the Carnegie room. We got paint and some work lights and a couple of shower heads. I could spend a lot of money here, if we had it.

Done for the day, we went to a Pizza Hut for dinner. Turns out it was a bit "sketchy" to use a William term, but it was hot and edible.

December 1

We got up early because we were having a washer delivered and the delivery times were between 8 and 5.

The first thing we did was take down the overhanging cabinets between the dining room and kitchen. It took some work, but we got them down, and it is so much better! It is the favorite thing we've done so far.

Next, we started the painting. Mark did all the cut work for painting the Carnegie room and the areas above the windows and door as well as the area below the windows. I rolled all the paint on all four walls. The red wall took a coat of primer as well as two coats of paint. The other three walls took two coats of paint. It took For EV er.

While Mark was doing the cut work, I cleaned off the walls in the fireplace room. I think nails need to be neon colored, because it hurts when you wipe down walls and run into a nail unexpectedly.

Another question I have is: Why do screws have to have so many different heads? Seriously.

I actually got my 10 thousand steps for the day just from walking around the house.

Exhausted, we picked up some Papa John's and headed back to the apartment.


Tuesday, July 3, 2018

This House

Change is inevitable. 

When Mark and I started out together, our mantra was basically the words from Billy Joel's "You're My Home". We both grew up in La Porte: me from 6 months on, him from 1st grade on. However, once we left for college, we became a bit like gypsies. We moved 14 times from High School graduation to 10 years later when we had our first son. And each time was fine. We had each other and not much else.

Things are different now. 

Our oldest was born in one apartment and we moved to our condo just before he turned two. He doesn't remember it.

Our youngest was born a week after we moved into the condo. We lived there for 5 years. The boys remember some of it, but not much. 

We moved to our house during Spring Break of Will's first grade year. Matt would start kindergarten in the fall. The condo had some of this too, but the boys will remember this house for their childhood.

This is the house where they will remember the footprints the Easter Bunny left when he hid their Easter baskets.

This is the house the Tooth Fairy left glitter behind when she replaced their teeth with a dollar bill. 

This is the house where we lived when we drove to cut down our Christmas trees, placing it in different places as our book collections required more space. The place we created our own fireplace with construction paper and tape, so we could hang our stocking on a fireplace. 

This house is where Will learned to make amazing cookies and Matt learned to perfect our homemade spaghetti sauce. 

This house is where Praxis, our first cat died. 

This house has the lilac bushes I love, the day lillies from my mother-in-law's garden, and the two tree's Matthew planted as seedlings.

This house is where they did homework.

This house is where I read them stories every night until Will was in 8th grade and that homework took over evenings.

This house is where I created birthday cakes they tried to make more difficult for me every year. 

This house is where they lined up every Rescue Hero, Transformer, and stuffed cat they had, carefully lining them up on opposing sides though they worked together to decide which side advanced and when. And the three stuffed cats that sat on top of the Karaoke machine to announce the battle as it happened. 

This house is where we had family game night every Sunday, taking turns each week picking the game. 

This house has the yard where I took family pictures every Mother's Day.

The marks on the door jamb mark their height from every first day of school.

This house is where I heard, "Hey Mom, look at that sunset," because they knew I'd love it. 

This house has every memory of school and friends and family the boys will remember. 

And this house is now for sale. 

The boys are both going to be in college in the fall. There is no reason for me to live separately from my husband (who is also their dad) as we have for the last 7 years. No reason to have two separate living expenses. No ability to afford to do so. So, it is for sale. 

The boys are both working at camp this summer and haven't seen it emptied of all but the beds and piano. They knew it was happening, and started packing, but hubby and I have finished it. We cleared it out and moved every thing to storage. 

We can't buy until we sell. So that is still to come.

If it were still just me and hubby, I would say I will miss all that that house was to us all, but wherever we both are is home. But in this Choose your own Adventure life, we have chosen the page to turn to for our boys. The next home we have will likely just be the house Mom and Dad live in for them. And that breaks my heart. 

I could, and may eventually, write another blog about my neurosis concerning thinking we've ruined our boys' lives, but this one is about the four walls we four grew up together in. This blog is about the house that is for sale. 

I hope the family that buys it has as much love for it as we did and always will. 

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Anxiety and Depression

I have anxiety and depression.

It gets easier to say. Acknowledging this makes it easier to accept the feelings and not feel there is something wrong with me.

It fees a little like driving a car in Chicago traffic at rush hour, knowing how to drive, but being physically unable to steer or touch the brakes.

I know what would make things better, but I would rather crawl under the bed and hope that it will all be over when I crawl out again.

Friday is the last day of school...for the year, and forever for our family. Our youngest is graduating high school, and I have resigned my position at the elementary after 12 years.  I have so many problems with the way our district is run that I am just done. I am happy to not be dealing with it all any more. But, I love working with kids, I care about these kids, and knowing I won't be back is hard.

I am resigning. because hubby has been living and working 2 hours away for the last 7 years. He's come home on weekends and for school functions and holidays, but I have been a part time single mom for 7 years. With both boys in college in the fall, we can live together again.

To live together again, we have to sell our house here. That means packing and sorting and storing and figuring out what to keep and what to get rid of. We have a lot of clutter after 13 years in this house. The stress of all of it is a huge weight. On the one hand, I want to just throw everything into boxes and throw into storage and be done. But the monumental task has me wanting to crawl under the bed and hope a clone of me, that isn't a mess, will take the initiative and do it for me.

Hubby wants to wait until after graduation to think about a storage shed. Youngest wants a party and parties are a huge stressor for me. How do we plan for people? How much food to plan? Activities--yes or no? Order a cake or make a cake? What if only family shows up, since he doesn't have a lot of friends? He will be crushed. I think. One sister just had a mastectomy. Will she be OK? And all of this is the evening of graduation, after seeing our baby walk across the stage and into adulthood.

Both boys are working at camp this summer. Oldest loves it and has changed his major in school and thus has changed colleges because of camp. Will youngest love it? Will he gain maturity?

Oldest is visually impaired, but has had training in adaptive driving and has his license. He now has a car. We have driven with him, but not a lot before he left for camp. I worry about him driving up there.

They will both be at Ball State in the fall. Will they find friends? Will they find their passion? Will they meet girls that will be girlfriends? I don't want them to be alone.

Moving to where hubby lives and has a life will be stressful, because those people can't wait for me to be there. Hubby is going to try to protect me from the onslaught, but I'm going to have to meet new people. I'm going to have to interact. That is stressful.

When we sell our house, we can look for one there. I will miss this house, so what will we find? Something with the view we have now?

I am taking the summer off to figure out who I am again. I will eventually have to get a job-- two kids in college remember. I have no idea what I want to do. I have only ever worked with kids. What do I do if I don't work with kids?

And to top it all off I turn 50 in October.

There is so much in such a short span of time, I'm drowning. I wish I could thrive on the challenge and live in every moment as they happen, but I can't. I feel bad for wishing it all to be over and settled, because I will miss the individual moments.

Hubby is great, but he has his own ideas of how things should progress. I have friends, but they have things going on in their lives as well. Hence the out of control car.

I have anxiety and depression, but by saying it out loud, I can start to take some form of control. I still can't steer, but maybe by listing it all and acknowledging it is a huge weight, I can maybe tap the brakes before wind up a sobbing ball in the corner.

I have anxiety and depression, but I'll get through and be stronger..stay tuned.

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

A Bit of Dirty Laundry

We have 13 days left in this school year, and it will be my last 13 days in Public Education. Our youngest is graduating, and we will be moving to where my husband and the boys' dad lives during the week. I could look for, and probably get, a job in a school there, but I can't even fathom trying. Before working in education, I knew in my heart I was meant to work with kids. I changed my major after working at camp, because I knew I didn't want to be a teacher any more. I wanted to work in a recreational setting.

That I do well.
Or at least I did.
I don't believe in myself enough any more to know if I could be worthwhile in an informal setting any more.
And that is a testament to our district's education system. From what I hear, it is like that other places as well, so I can't trust it would be any different somewhere else.

Others, when they have left, have left quietly, because repercussions are  assured. And when you still have kids in the district, you can't take that chance. Our youngest is done and so am I, so I am leaving, but I can't in good conscious leave quietly.

Honestly, I could give you a 13 year blow by blow, but it comes down to respect and lack of courage and commitment.

As a profession we lament all the ills that face our kids and affect our teaching: poverty, lack of parent involvement, too much parent involvement, government interference, society today...the list goes on. But you know what? Kids adapt to their environment and what is expected of them. This is where we fail.

Our Assistant Superintendent, who is also our curriculum director, is the driving force behind the chaos and exodus. If you look at her LinkedIn account, you will see that she worked the first 5 years after college as a teacher in 3 different grade levels. This was in the early 1990s. After that she worked for various data collection aspects of education. She came to us about 7 years ago and was the driving force behind our 1:1 technology, which we jumped into whole school without any training or preparation.

Turns out her doctoral thesis was about technology in schools.

Under her we have changed curriculum every year for the last 5 years. Under her, we have eliminated industrial arts.
Under her, we have been told to give homework every night.
Under her, we have been told not to give homework.
Under her, we have moved to an extended calendar.
Under her, we adopted scope and sequence of a reading program, but not the actual materials to carry it out.
Under her, we have adopted, Daily 5, eliminated reading groups, and eliminated text books.
Under her, we have gone to having "Maker Space."
Under her, we now have "Standards Based Grading" with which we have eliminated "due dates."

Under her we have switched from Character Counts, to University Time, to PBIS.

We have been in a state of constant flux for the last 7 years. Nothing is eliminated, just emphasized less and less until it fades away.

Questions are met with hostility and derision.

And there is no one to be the buffer between administration and teachers.

Our last principal was a disaster. She was a black and white person. If she was told to do X, there were no shades of gray. X meant X...
as she interpreted it and we better darn well execute with fidelity.

Parents have been conditioned to go up the chain to a, "yes." And they eventually get their way. The louder the complaint, the quicker the capitulation. And yes, the superintendent has reversed a decision by the principal without finding out details or supporting the principals decision.

And this is the biggest problem in education. We can teach in temporary trailers.  We can teach without resources. Heck, we can teach with a stick and a patch of dirt. What we can't do is teach without support.

The rules and climate of a building have to be set by the principal and enforced by the principal. I would love to see what a school could do with a principal who said to both administration and parents, "These are my staff, and I won't allow you to treat them this way."  This takes a courage they don't teach in Principal school, I'm guessing by what I've seen?

Support is the thing we need most, but are least likely to get.

I will be laying this out in my end of the year review. I'm leaving, but the kids I care about, and the staff who aren't leaving at the end of this year will still be there.  If I can leave one last impression... if I have a shot at making a difference for those left behind, it is my obligation to do so. I can't go quietly. My conscience won't let me.








Monday, May 7, 2018

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume K

Loosely based on Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Krause Rosenthal.

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume K

Kaluah- I am not a drinker. I am 49 and I can honestly say I have never been drunk. In High School, we'd go to parties with friends, and I'd have a couple of Coolers. Beer was never my thing, but then again there weren't flavors then. (Do flavored beers make a difference?) 
My sister, Sheri, let me try a Kaluah and Cream once and I loved it. Now, I have an occasional glass of wine, but still, I'm not that into it. I do however have a shot of Kaluah over vanilla ice cream every now and then. Add a little homemade Magic Shell and you have a yummy dessert.

Key- When we were counselors at Camp, nearly every thing with a padlock, used the same key. They were bought in bulk. There were several floating around, and since we worked over weekends, we aquired a key.  After the second summer, and the difficulty it contained, the key became a symbol of standing up for what was right. It represents doing something hard because it is what is right. (See also Camp)

Kids- My own: I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but not right away. I worked in Child Care and was happy, as parents drug whiny kids away, that I got to go home to a kid free existence. Once I felt, "My kids won't be that way," I knew we were ready. I tried at first to be both a Mom and a Child Care/ Camp Director, but couldn't do both 100%. We chose together for me to be a stay at home mom. It is the best and only decision for us. WE chose to have THEM. WE owed it to them to be there for them. No regrets.
Others: My favorite quote is, " The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you figure out why." I realized through my work with the Y that I was meant to work with kids. That time may have passed, because with the kids today it is harder to find the magic. I miss the magic.

Kindergarten- I worked in the Kindergarten classroom with one of the best teachers for 10 years. I loved working with them. I loved teaching them how to hold a pencil and form their letters correctly. I loved helping them learn to read and then how to Read. I loved seeing them grow from the beginning of the year to the end. They are funny and exhausting and I loved my time with them and learned a lot from Tracey-- the teacher and my friend.

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume J

Loosely based on the book, Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Krause Rosenthal.

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume J

Jeans- I love wearing jeans. I miss the days of ripped jeans... faded ripped jeans. I feel like me in in jeans. No pretense. Just me. Throw in a T-shirt and a flannel shirt unbuttoned and you have my uniform of choice. I just love jeans.

Jetsons' Car- I have always wanted a Jetsons car. I am not a fan of traffic. Driving in big cities scares me because cars cut you off or push from behind. If I had a Jetsons car I could fly over all the nonsense and arrive at my destination ahead of schedule and stress free. However, the only way for this to work would be for me to be the sole owner of the Jetsons car. It's possible. Right?

Job Titles- I have been a babysitter, a bus girl, a McDonald's employee, a camp counselor, food service at Valpo, a counselor at a Y, Senior Counselor at the same Y, an employee of Camp Fire Boys and Girls, Program Director for the same Camp Fire program, recreation leader at a foster village, Child Care director at a Y, Child Care Camp Director at another Y, Stay at home mom, and Instructional Assistant and Reading Intervention at an elementary school. The next job to add to the list is yet to be determined.
Informally, I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, and a friend.

Monday, April 30, 2018

Big Project

I accepted a project from camp this weekend. They have boxes of slides. Thousands of slides. Slides in slide protectors and placed in binders. Loose slides. Slides in slide boxes. Literally thousands of slides. To some this would be tedious and boring, but I am loving it.

There are slides from the mid 1990s all the way back to the 1950s. There may be older ones, I've just started.

It is so fascinating to see what were common pictures -- pictures much the same as the ones we take today. But the buildings are newer, and the trees are different. It is fun to see the clothes and activities.

Each photo makes me want to do more research. I want to find out more about the history. I have a big project and I am planning on making it bigger. What exactly is the timeline of camp? When did the changes occur? Who was involved? What were the rituals and legends and when and why did they fall out of favor?

But the big take away from looking at these photos? Keep it simple. These photos were before photoshop and are beautiful in their simplicity. I can trust that they are what was happening and not manufactured. There is interest in the honest truth. We all need to take more of those. They will mean more in years to come.

Sunday, April 29, 2018

Almost went Ballistic

We spent a volunteer work weekend at our "Happiest Place on Earth" - Camp Pinewood.  It could not have been a more perfect weekend. Bright blue sky. Sweatshirt weather unless you were raking, or painting, or working hard, then a T-shirt was great. This camp is beautiful and built for kids.

This morning a mom and her 3 kids came in the lodge about a half hour before breakfast. Each child had an electronic device and mom was telling them to make sure they played on them plugged in, because they had a 4 hour trip back to Chicago and if they wanted them to last, they had to keep the batteries charged.

What?????

The children roughly 8, 6, and 5 would be riding in a car for 4 hours, and with wide open spaces, and a beautiful clear morning, Mom plugs her kids into electronic screens.

I could literally cry.

Thursday, April 26, 2018

Sanity Saver

Youngest is a Marvel Universe fanatic.
I dropped he and his older brother at the theater tonight as a way to save my sanity. We are going to busy this weekend and would have to wait another week to see it, if they didn't go tonight.

To spell that out, that would mean another week of "fun facts", trailers, information, and interviews.

I was given the breakdown of who dies. I know it has a kind of sequel?

And in the end, I saved some sanity.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

behavior

I will say again...

Kids need rules and routines to signal behavior.

Classroom seating is part of that.
 Casual seating= loose and casual behavior
Formal seating= serious behavior

When and who said school should be fun?
Why does everyone capitulate and bend to children's every whim and desire and than lament the lack of respect?

Sometimes life is hard.
Sometimes learning is boring.
Sometimes effort is required.

Struggle is not a four letter word.
Lazy is.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Milestone

I experienced a milestone today. I rode in the van as a passenger while my son drove.

It may not seem a big deal, nearly everyone experiences it, but this was truly momentous. Our oldest is 20 and visually impaired. In order to drive he needed to be trained in the use of bi-optics and had to work with an instructor in order to pass the driving test at the DMV.

He recently passed that, and was waiting for the Low Vision Coordinatior for the state of Indiana to get him the aides he needs.

Because it is a government agency, it was taking forever, so we ordered parts ourselves. They came today and he got them set up in the van. A bigger mirror, a larger speedometer, and lane guides. We practiced at the school before having him drive us home.

He has been trained by professionals and trained by the state, but it was still a little nerve racking. I told hubby it felt a little like being Calvin and Hobbes at the top of that hill in the wagon. My stomach was in knots. I kept saying over and over in my head, "He knows what he's doing. We'll be fine. He knows what he's doing. We'll be fine." And you know what? He did great.

Really.

And he'll only get better with practice...just like any new driver.

So, we'll practice. Tomorrow he will drive us to Walmart.
"We'll be fine. He knows what he's doing."

Monday, April 23, 2018

Consequences

It's not what I wanted.

I had a girl tell me this boy was telling her something inappropriate.
This was after another teacher reported he had his arm around another boys neck. 

The answer from the powers that be was, "There is a history between the boy and girl --mostly on social media." And concerning the issue between the boys, "There is a difference between intent to hurt and horseplay." 

Our incident forms are major and minor. But 3 minors equal a major. We are not allowed to send them to the office without a filled out form. The powers that be, decide consequences -- if any.

I am assuming this is typical in most schools?

Hierarchy of a recess incident

kid tells IA on the playground
IA tells teacher who tells IA to write up an incident report
Incident report may or may not go to office depending on severity
Incident report goes to Dean of Students who is at school 2.5 days a week
Dean of Students investigates when she has time, and may or may not call the children involved down to talk. This could happen days if not more than a week after the event. 
The adults may or may not learn what comes of that conversation.

The climate of many schools is the same. Nothing happens so kids continue the behavior. Nothing happens, so kids stop reporting. Nothing happens, so adults stop reporting. Noting happens, so kids retaliate.

Tonight I was included in an email to the 2 teachers and learned the boys fate. He actually has a consequence this time, but I'm not sure how I feel about it. It is deserved. But I get the feeling the consequence was reluctantly given. 

I understand. The powers that be are so far removed from the incident, that unless marks are left or a parent phone call is anticipated, nothing is that big a deal.

Except it is. Every "no big deal" wears away and wears down the structure until you realize there is a gaping wall where solid rock used to be. There have to be boundaries, and the boundaries need to be solid, so all involved can count on them. That doesn't mean zero tolerance, it just means that no means no and stop means stop. It means the consequence is clear, concise, and equally applied. 

Making excuses because of kids' home lives or abilities or our belief that if only the government gave us more money, public education would be better, is not the way to improve education. Bean bag chairs, mood lighting, and coffee bars are not how we improve education. Changing curriculum every year and giving every child a screen device for education is not how we improve education.  WE in education have to stop marinating in chaos. Only then can we say we are doing what is best for our kids. 

Child rearing experts say children need consequences and those consequences should be as close to the offense as possible and be related to the fixing the damage caused. Let's start repairing education by making it at least one place that says what it means and means what it says. A place that sets expectations and lets the kids know we have faith they are capable are living up to them. We owe it to them.



Sunday, April 22, 2018

Today's accomplishments

List of Accomplishments for April 22, 2018

Laundry done
12 shelves of books packed into 6 totes and stored in garage
Walked around the lake
Worst score ever in Yahtzee for family game night
Called my sister, Sheri, who just found out she has cancer
Wished my oldest sister, Lori, a happy birthday
Sent condolences to a co worker

Not much, but accomplishments nonetheless.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Brave Boy

How did I give birth to this child?

Don't get me wrong. He looks like my husband and has a bit of my personality. He and I both love singing along to the radio. We metaphorically chase butterflies. We just get on with it. We like to plan but get bored halfway through.

But this child is a morning person. This child is an extrovert. He likes being in a group of people.

This child. This 18 year old young man of ours went to prom tonight alone. He has never been to a dance. He has a lot of friends who are girls, but hasn't been brave enough to ask them out. This child picks the most important night in the life of a Senior to step out alone and says he wanted to go for the experience.

Hubby dropped him off just before 7 when it was starting and we are still awaiting his phone call to come get him -- it is nearly 11.

I am so proud and in awe of his bravery. I would NEVER have done that at 18 and I wouldn't do it now. I hope he is having fun. I hope others are enjoying our bright, funny, quirky, young man. I hope he knows how much I love him.

I can't wait to hear how it was.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Parenting Advice

Dear Parents,

I think you love your children.

I say think, because based on the evidence: they come to school without signs of physical abuse, they seem to bathe on a semi regular basis, and they actually come to school, you could make a case that you care.

But, there is an emotional component to loving as well. When you give your child everything they want in order to avoid a temper tantrum or an argument, you are not showing love.
When you let them stay up until 10, 11, or "until they fall asleep," you are not showing love.
When they claim they "can't sleep without the TV on" so you have a TV in their room, you are not showing love.
When you allow them to talk back to you and others, you are not showing them love.
When you allow them to swear, you are not showing them love.
When you take them to movies you want to see, or let them watch movies with violence, sex, and killing, you are not showing them love.
When you allow them to make fun of others and join in the cruelty, you are not showing love.
When you swoop in to "fix," every little slight by putting your child on the pedestal of perfection, you are not showing love.
And when you have your child's nose glued to a screen so they don't bug you, you are not showing love.

Your children are a reflection of you. If you say you love your children, be more than the adult that lives with them. Be willing to do the hard things. Say, "No," more than you want to. Set limits. Teach self regulation. Teach kindness. Demand respect.     Be present.

The world you are creating right now...the world we all will have to live in... is up to you. It can be full of self centered, helpless individuals, who demand their own way (as it is now), or it can be full of people who see and do what needs to be done, not for the spotlights or applause, but for the simple reason it needed to be done.

Parents, grow up so your kids can to.

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume I

Loosely based on Amy Krause Rosenthal's Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life. 

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume I

Ice Cream: I am not a big ice cream person. I'm actually kind of boring when it comes to ice cream. But... I am also an ice cream snob. I like hard ice cream, not soft serve. From the store, it is usually vanilla - any kind that is all natural ingredients. I like a sprinkle of my coffee, homemade blackberry syrup, or a shot of Kahlua stirred in. We make homemade magic shell with coconut oil and chocolate chips melted together and sometimes whipped cream to top it off.
If getting from an ice cream store, I like coffee ice cream, which I started to like after trying some from Hot Licks in Fairbanks, Alaska. There is a place in Michigan that sells homemade ice cream with blackberry syrup swirled in (that is where we got the idea), that is fantastic.
But. The best ice cream ever, was a kind I tried last summer, at a place called Ursa Major. I think it was called Sleeping Bear Latte. It was coffee ice cream with cinnamon and honey swirled in. Ah-mazing.
So if I'm having ice cream, it has to be real.

Introvert: I am an introvert. True introvert or extrovert is where you get your energy. I can talk in front of people. I can sing camp songs to a crowd. Nervous perhaps, depending on the situation, but not stage fright. But I don't like crowds to just mingle. If I have to I need to get away or I feel the walls close in. And going to the store, wears me out. The lights and high ceilings and wandering people are exhausting. I get home and I need some time to reorient.

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

ISTEP What Else?

This time of year, people like to comment on the fact that, "kids are not numbers," and "tests are not an indication of what kids are capable of," and all that is true, but can we take a moment to discuss the elephant in the room?

I don't think it's the potential test scores that stress us all out. No. I think it is the CIA level security we have to have.

Tests are in a locked room in the office where few have keys to open. Teachers have to sign out the tote with their class's information.
The totes are not to leave the teacher's sight.
Teachers must have proctors to help monitor the room.
Instructions must be read in the same way every test, every time.
The teacher and proctor must circle the room over and over and over, annoying the kids, in an attempt to be sure they aren't cheating.
The teacher and proctor may only say, "I'm sorry, I can't help you. Just do the best you can."
The teacher and proctor must keep their faces neutral so as not to indicate what the answer might be.
Once the test is over, scrap paper must be collected and counted to be sure no one copied questions.
Pencils must be collected and counted, because they can't use their own pencils-- they may use the wrong kind.
Every manipulative handed out must be collected and counted.
Once everything has been collected and counted, they are returned to the tote.
The teacher then must return the tote to the locked room.
The kids are told not to discuss the test with ANYONE.
Staff are forbidden to talk about the test with ANYONE including each other.

Then you have to take into account the kids who are sick and need to make up a test. The Sped kids who have accommodations need certified teachers to give the tests.

Life as usual, literally grinds to a halt, so the entire state can take spend thousands of dollars, not on resources to enhance education, but to testing companies who develop and implement tests that spotlight what we haven't taught properly (according to them). Doing well on the tests gives us money so we can afford next years tests.

So, no, The Test is not a representation of what our kids know, it is a representation of how we can keep secrets.


Monday, April 16, 2018

Indiana Weather

Life in Indiana.

 Friday temperatures in the upper '60s.
 Torrential rain for Saturday and Sunday
 Monday the temps plummet
 to turn the rain to snow
 And strong winds blow
 And guess what the forecast predicts...
 60's by the weekend.

Life in Indiana.
If you don't like the weather
just wait.

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Movie instead of Blog

Spending today watching The Greatest Showman and relaxing. Blogging resumes tomorrow.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume H

Loosely based on Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Krause Rosenthal.

Volume H

Hard Moments: Everyone has hard moments in life. The hard moments don't have to be negative, just life changing. Here are a few of mine.

Moving to Alaska: I had never been so far from home and family. We didn't know how long we'd be there or what it would be like. When we left, we didn't know when we'd see family and friends again. Being there wasn't as hard as I thought, even the 50 below wasn't bad. The dark all the time was the worst. But we strengthened our marriage by only having each other to rely on.

Delaware: Living in Delaware made us appreciate our life growing up in the Midwest. (see defining moments)

Parents dying: My parents died two years apart. It is hard to no longer have your link to your heritage.

High School: I liked my high school. We were the La Porte Slicers. I had jobs, and wasn't able to go to games -- not that I would have anyway. I did, however, go to the dances every home game. My friends and I and later Mark and his friends had a blast. Usually followed by Burger King and cruising Lincolnway. I was in the top 15% academically. I learned typing on a typewriter that had blank keys. I took 4 years of French. I took Math as far as Geometry because that's all I had to. I was in Choir. I hated Gym. I took Government in Summer School, because it was easier. I lost friends and gained others. But most importantly, I gained my soul mate.

Husband: My husband is my hero. He is the calming force in my life. He is the epitome of character. In the y, in the 90's there was the Character Counts iniative, for which the corner stones were: caring, honesty, respect, and responsibility.
Mark is caring and compassionate to everyone he interacts with. He is able to calm situations that arise in his job and handles them in a way that allows everyone to leave with dignity.
Honesty is as important to him as it is to me and the way to get him angry is to lie to or about him. He is honest and can be trusted without doubt.
Respect comes naturally for him. He meets with CEOs and politicians as well as tough kids and single moms and treats them all with the same respect and dignity.
Responsibility- When we decided to have kids, I tried to juggle having our son with us at work. When that didn't work, he supported and agreed with the decision to have me stay home with our kids. Because of that decision, he took on the role of sole provider for an eventual family of 4.
Because of who he is, heart and soul, people are drawn to him and instinctively trust he is doing things for the greater good.
He is a good man and I'm so proud of him and all he's accomplished, and I am lucky he chose me.

Friday, April 13, 2018

Friday the 13th

Today's score card

1 assistant quit before break. She was responsible for K and 1. Her replacement starts Monday.

1 assistant out for two weeks at least because of knee surgery.

2 assistants out for CPI training

1 teacher out and sub a no show

Dean of students leading the CPI training

Solution

I subbed

Speech teacher, tech coach, gym teacher, and special needs teacher fill in as lunch and recess for missing IAs.

Everyone made it through the day in one piece and most of there sanity intact.

Take that, Friday the 13th!!!

Thursday, April 12, 2018

Change of Plan

Sometimes you write for an hour and realize edits are needed.
That was tonight. PBIS, kids behavior, adults role in the crisis kids are facing... more keeps popping into my head. This may need to be an outline and planning kind of topic. So instead, a brief panic attack.

Tomorrow is going to be a "hope for the best but accept the worst" kind of day.

We are so short staffed tomorrow that  there are only 2 of us assistants to handle door duty, breakfast duty, lunch duty, and recesses.

Plus 6th grade is working on Rube Goldburg projects all day and I am helping to supervise.

A day of chaos.
At least it is Friday.

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

A Revelation

I had a revelation yesterday.

I was talking with a student. He doesn't have a great home life -- not terrible, but complicated. His "friends" can be great, except when they aren't. He had walked away from them for once and was alone. I told him he didn't have to put up with the way they treat him. His response?

"Then I won't have any friends."

I realized these kids I'm so frustrated with, don't realize what abuse is.  They are willing to sacrifice self esteem and physical well being so the cool kids will like them.

And the kids who are using put downs and "joking" are fueled by the attention they receive from their victims.

As adults we intervene and tell the offender to stop. But that's when we catch them. We often don't let offended know they are worth more than their friends are showing them they are. Our interference doesn't stop the behavior and only emboldens the offender because we don't teach the skills of saying, "Stop making fun of my weight. I don't like when you punch my shoulder so hard." We don't teach that when they go along and go back to being treated badly, they are saying it is OK to be treated that way.

We need to teach skills of inner strength.

And I just had another revelation...
Tomorrow, why PBIS bothers me so much.

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume G

Loosely based on Amy Krause Rosenthal's book, Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life. 

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume G

Games:  We have Family Game Night, but there is a list of approved games. I prefer games that don't lead to nasty competition. Games that are supposed to be more competitive, we turn into cooperative games. For example, in Sorry we used to say you could share spaces and we didn't use the Sorry cards (as they got older we did). There is a place for competition, but not involving me. Mark fills that role for the boys.       
        The boys have eliminated Bananagrams from the list because it "makes their brains hurt."
           We take turns, each Sunday, picking a game and a dessert.
            Games have changed and evolved. We no longer play Scrabble Jr. Disney edition. We haven't played their creation of Block Cone -- played with cardboard blocks and mini soccer crowns, and Transformers as tokens.
            We play games inherited from my husbands youth that don't exist any more.
            And we have added card games they can understand strategy for now, like Euchre.
            Some favorites are Ticket to Ride, 5 Crowns, and Yahtzee.
            We have every sheet from Yahtzee saved, from when we started playing. It's like a piece of our history, because we started writing down details-- like the time everyone got a Yahtzee or when Will got a Yahtzee on the first roll. We write the date and keep track. Yes this is competitive, but it doesn't involve someone sabotaging you, so it's OK competition.
             Starting this summer, both boys will be gone, and I will miss our game nights with every fiber of my being.

Genealogy: I started working on genealogy in 2002, when putting together a scrapbook for my parents 50th wedding anniversary. I was doing a time line, and wanted to start with their parents. It led to wanting to go back further. Writing their story led me to want to know more of their story. I became addicted to finding out more, and how my family fit in this world.
        I continue to search. I have names and dates and locations. My search is for who they were.
       My mother-in-law says her grandmother had a journal that told stories of motherhood. My Mother- in- law would hear stories of what her dad was like as a child. The absolute tragedy of this, is that after mother-in-law died, her husband was so distraught, he got rid of those journals.
        Can you imagine?

Glasses: I had to get glasses when I was 14. I HATED them. I didn't wear them. I wanted contacts and couldn't have them, so I didn't wear the ugly glasses we could afford.
        Did you know if you don't wear something to correct your vision, your vision gets worse?
         When I was able to buy contacts for myself, I did just that. I loved contacts. I could see. They didn't fog up in the cold or get splattered by rain. I could wear sunglasses just like everyone else.
          Now I'm older and I can't wear contacts because my eyes get dried out. The eye doctor has even recommended...
           ...bifocals!!!!
          I tried them. I didn't like them. I wear glasses that I can just see out the bottom of and hold reading material closer.
           I used to think, "No way," when it came to Lasik.
          Now I think, "Maybe."





Monday, April 9, 2018

Not breaking the streak

I don't know if the goal is to write every day
Or just when you have something to say.

I have run out of time and energy
For my Encyclopedia of Me
Volume G

Sometimes it's Ok
to put off til tomorrow
what you could do today

Volume G tomorrow
Barring any amazing event
intervening

Sunday, April 8, 2018

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume F (final)

Loosely based on the book Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Krause Rosenthal.

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume F  part 2

Fingernails: I have always wanted fingernails. Not the long, scary, Hollywood nails, just nails long enough to tap impatiently on the table. Alas, it doesn't seem to be meant for me. I used to bite, now I pick and peel them. I can try really hard to leave them alone. I can grow them out a little and add oil and push back the cuticles and add super strong polish, but inevitably there will be a chip, or the nail will weaken, and then I pick and peel, and it's gone. The longest I've had nails had been 2 months.
          Oh, and I haven't really been able to handle colored polish. Colored polish is just a shiny beacon that screams, "Here I am! Don't you want to peel this color off and take the top layer of nail with it?' And my answer always seems to be, "Apparently, yes I do."

Flowers: I am not a flower kind of girl. The amount of money spent to send flowers to me could buy at least one hard back book or several paperbacks. Books last forever. Flowers are food for the cats to throw up. The water turns slimy. Flowers die in a short amount of time, but are background noise long before then. I'm just not a fan.
              Outside flowers, however, are a goal. I just have no idea how to create a pretty flower garden to surround our deck. Lilacs are my favorite and we have 3 bushes. I would like to figure out what other flowers could go around the front porch or how to make our huge yard pretty. I guess I need to watch more HGTV?  (see home improvement shows)

Friends:  I am an introvert. I do not like to go out and meet new people. I am not the kind of person who walks into the room with a, "Here I am!" persona. I am the kind who walks quietly into a room and hopes someone approaches me. Therefore I don't have a lot of friends. I never have.
           In High School I had a few close friends, but our paths drifted apart when the guys they were dating were doing things I didn't approve of. I started hanging out with my then boyfriend (now husband), and his friends, more and more. His friends became my friends.
           In college I worked too much to have close friends. Acquaintances, sure, but not "friends."
            Camp friends are forever friends. Living with a group of people 24 hours a day for 10 weeks, creates some tight bonds. We will be available for each other until the day we die.
           As a stay at home mom, I became more isolated. I had a few mommy friends, but for the most part, I was on my own.
            Once I started working at school, I gained some people. They were there for me when my husband lost his job. They were there for me when my husband moved two hours away and the boys and I stayed here. And they were there for me when both my parents died. Some have moved away, and soon I will move away as well, but even though we don't, and won't, see each other every day, we will be friends.
             Thank goodness for text messaging!

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume F part one

Loosely based on Amy Krause Rosenthal's Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life.

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume F

Family: The family I come from had 6 children- 1 boy and 5 girls. A sister died at the age of 5. I was born 2 years and 2 months after her death. My brother is 13 years older, one sister is 11 years older, one is 10 years older, and one is 2 years younger. We all are from the same mother and father who were married nearly 60 years when my father passed away. Mom was a stay at home mother and Dad was a dreamer. It was a weird, normal upbringing. (See upbringing, see also Fears)
             The family I created consists of myself and my husband of nearly 28 years. We are the proud parents of two boys that are now 18 and 20. As a couple , we decided I would be a stay at home mom. My husband is a CEO of a Y and a wonderful provider for our family. I love the investment we have put into creating what we have. (see also motherhood)

Father: This one is tough.
         My dad is from Arkansas and would tell stories about his family. Dad remembers the time "the government men" came and blew up his grandfather's still. Dad said his grandfather rustled cattle from government land and was a slum lord during WWII.
          Dad's dad did whatever his parents told him to do, which made my grandmother angry.
         Dad had to leave home in order to go to High School, because many people only went as far as 8th grade at the time my dad was growing up.
          Dad wanted to be a missionary, and apparently was engaged to someone else, when, as a traveling salesman, he ended up working at the same Krogers my mom was working at in Indiana. They were married about a year after meeting.
           I think his life contributed to my father's wandering ways. Dad didn't like being told what to do, so he didn't stay in any job long. Dad  owned his own fix it shop. He did lawn care. And he tried one "get rich scheme" after another. Because he refused to stick with something we had food stamps and calls from bill collectors.
           I found out later that my older sisters helped pay our parents bills.
           Dad smoked, but he never got drunk. He listened. He offered advice. He was there when we needed him.
           So, while I can't say, "My daddy was the best daddy ever!" I loved him.
           Dad died in 2012. We found out he had lung cancer that spread to his brain that January. He died in that March. (see mom, see also parents)

Fears:  I am not thrilled with the dark. I am not a fan of snakes or creepy crawlies. But, the biggest fear I have is of death.
           I think it is for a couple of reasons. First is that my grandmother (mom's mom) died when I was in 3rd grade. We spent all three days of visitation at the funeral home. There was so much sadness, and we were engulfed in it. We had seen Grandma Sunday morning at church and Monday morning she was gone. My parents were 36 and 38 when I was born -- older than most parents at the time. I was convinced they were going to die next. I was afraid every time they left that it would be the last time I saw them.
            The other reason I think I fear death is because of my sister who died. She had turned 5 in June. In August, she and the sister who is 10 years older were playing tag in the yard. Susie fell, and her fist hit her heart, stopping it. CPR wasn't a thing then. She was dead by the time my parents got her to the hospital.
              Everyone used to tell me I had her mannerisms. They used to say, "Maybe you are her reincarnated."  All I knew of reincarnation then was a movie, Audrey Rose, about a girl who died in a car accident and came back to another family. The first family believed she was their daughter and hypnosis "proved" it.
               Add to that, I used to have two recurring dreams. In one, I rode my tricycle into the pool at the Y. In the other I was standing on  the stairs looking down on my body laying on the couch. Everyone was around me and something was wrong.
                To this day, I need to know when people I love are safe. I need them to check in and let me know they got to their destination OK. I need to know I will see them again.

Friday, April 6, 2018

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume E

Idea from Amy Krause Rosenthal.

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume E

Education: I went to Valparaiso University for my Freshman year of college with my eventual husband. We transferred to Purdue our sophomore year because, if we had stayed we'd be over forty thousand dollars in debt.
          I was an elementary education major, because I knew I wanted to work with kids. After working at camp, I knew I didn't want to be a teacher, but because it's what I had chosen, I thought I had to stick with it. It wasn't until Senior year that I decided to change my major. I just wanted to graduate, so I chose an English major. It took an extra semester to graduate -- I had to take the 4th semester of French in the Summer semester. I have a BA in English from Purdue University.

Empathic: I am empathic. I feel the energy from a room or a person, and absorb it. It affects me. It can be hard to switch out of it. I think I am a good judge of character because of it. Mark refers to it as my Spidey sense.

Empty Nest: Our boys are 18 and 20. The youngest graduates in June. Both will be working at camp over the summer and at school in the fall. I know they will still be home to visit, but it is the start of our empty nest, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. (see stay-at-home mother)

Eyes:  I have brown eyes. I always wanted green eyes and red curly hair. The typical story of wanting what you don't. If I had to have brown eyes, I wished I could have light brown eyes. But I don't. I don't even have deep chocolate brown eyes. I just have medium brown boring eyes. Sometimes I look in the mirror, and I'm surprised because hubby and both boys have blue eyes. It seems weird to always see blue eyes, except when you look in the mirror.

Thursday, April 5, 2018

Encyclopedia of Me Volume D

Based on Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Krause Rosenthal. Her version is more creative and better.

Defining Moments: There are moments that help shape who you are. Moving to Alaska is one of mine. There is a line in Lord of the Rings where Sam says, "If I take one more step, I'll be the furthest from home, I've ever been." That's what crossing into Wisconsin was for me. Then there was Montana, North Dakota, and Canada. Mark and I only had each other. I learned how much I missed the Midwest. And after driving 10 days there and 12 days back together, I knew that Mark and I were in for the long haul.
     Delaware was another. After Alaska I applied to 50 different Y's. I got 2 phone interviews that turned into 2 "in person" interviews. That led to one job offer -- in Delaware. They had wanted to offer the job to someone who had been there for a while, but got pregnant and decided to be a stat-at-home mom. I was told this up front. I felt from the beginning the derision from my immediate supervisor. She had been close with the girl who left.
      I worked my butt off. I planned and orchestrated my program when Delaware declared a state of emergency and schools were closed for several days because of snow. I got a letter from my supervisor thanking me for how I handled things during that time as well as during Christmas break.
   Then, about 3 weeks after the state of emergency, I was called into my supervisors office where she and the Executive Director were waiting for me. They told me I lacked initiative and vision and had 30 days to improve. I then had to finish my program for the day and then be the director on duty until 10 with a smile on my face as my world was falling apart.
       I immediately reached out to my network back home and was back in the Midwest by June. I left that job and was replaced by the person they originally wanted to hire.
        I was hired by a Y in Illinois that wanted and supported me. I found my career and passion. And I found an inner fortitude I didn't know I had.

Directions: I am not good with directions. To put it simply... my hubby likes to say I couldn't find my way out of a paper bag with a flashlight and a map. The invention of GPS on my phone is a God-send.

Dragonfly: I started liking dragonflies when I got my new camera. I was actually able to capture them as they lit on flowers. I found a poem that says dragonflies live in joy and scatter brilliance. It became the go-to gift from my husband and I have earrings and necklaces and decorations that are dragonflies. I have read more on dragonflies and the spiritual significance they hold, and I would say the dragonfly could be my spirit animal.

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Encyclopedia of Me: C

Encyclopedia of Me based on Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Krause Rosenthall. My version.

Volume C:

Camera: I have loved taking pictures since I was 10 and had my first camera.  My last camera was a digital that I was satisfied with, until I realized what kind of pictures I could get with a better camera. Then I began to covet the cameras I saw with others.
       Several years ago, as a Mother's Day gift, Mark surprised me with a treasure hunt. Each clue led to a lens or battery or strap. The last clue led to my Cannon Rebel T3i -- the camera I had researched and really wanted, but knew we could not afford. His response was, "I wanted you to have it, while you still had something to take pictures of."
        This camera has let me take pictures of whole family Christmases, Mother's Days, and random moments of my kids at play. Because of this camera I got our son's graduation and will get our other son's graduation in June. I got the look of surprise on my in- laws faces when we surprised them for their 50th wedding anniversary. And this camera took the last photo of my parents together and coherent. It truly is a gift.

Cats: I am more of a cat person. They aren't as needy as dogs. They can be left alone. They are more self sufficient.
     And we never owned a cat growing up. We had dogs, and my dad hated them and were mean to them. So, I have to say cats are the animal for me.

Change: I used to be a Child Care and Camp Director. I know how to make plans. I also know plans get screwed up. Weather moves activities indoors. Someone else schedules an activity in one of your rooms. An employee doesn't show up. Change happens. But, just because I can handle change, doesn't mean I like it.

Coffee: My parents drank coffee all the time. Mom had hers black, Dad took his with sugar and cream. We were told we couldn't have coffee until we were twelve. "It will stunt your growth." So, of course we'd sneak drinks -- from Dad's (black coffee is nasty.)
       When I actually turned 12, I wanted nothing to do with coffee. All of it actually tastes nasty.
        At camp, during college, coffee got me through. I am not a fan of institutional breakfasts, no matter the skill of the cook. So, instead of pancakes or waffles that had been kept warm in the warmer, I had coffee -- just like Dad used to drink.  It was a "camp only" survival tactic.
        I have "coffee" every morning now. But, the coffee I have is International Foods Suisse Mocha. It is more hot chocolate with a hint of coffee. I've tried Mocha Lattes from coffee places and they are too coffee-y. Real coffee drinkers may disagree, but for me Suisse Mocha is the coffee I drink.

Cold: I used to think I was allergic to cold. La Porte is in Northwestern Indiana and gets a lot of snow. I would play outside and break out in hives.
      When I would get cold, I would break out in hives.
      Mom decided I was allergic to cold and would put me in a tub of hot water and the spots would go away, which only further proved her theory.
        The surprise turned out to be I almost never broke out in hives when we lived in Alaska. This started me thinking.
         I got hives when we lived at the apartments on the river in Lafayette when we were at Purdue. Why not Alaska?
         Then we lived in Delaware, the hives came back. Delaware has a low water table.
          Long story short, I decided my allergy is to mold. The house I grew up in had a dirt floor basement and no door leading down to it. I think all that time my "allergy to cold" was just a reaction to potential mold in the basement. Considering I use my asthma inhaler when mold counts are high now, and I haven't had hives in forever, seems to indicate I am right.
          Good thing too, since Northeastern Indiana is still Indiana.

Colored Hair:  I tried Sun In once as a teenager. It turned my brown hair a weird orangish color.
          Living in Joliet, cutting my hair was too expensive, let alone coloring it.
            But when we moved here, I decided I needed it. Mentally needed the change. Here it was actually affordable. I started adding blond highlights. It changed my opinion of my self and my outlook. I started doing it every couple of months.
              I've since gotten braver. Now I am playing with color. I'm not ready to go with mermaid colors or anything, but in the end, it's only hair. I can always change it back. 
       

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Driving and a College Visit

I have two thoughts on today.

One: After driving a little over an hour to Terre Haute for a college visit in torrential rain, two hours to a Red Robin for dinner, another hour to Peru to pick up Mark's car, and another two hours home, the last 45 minutes in torrential rain...I wish teleportation was a thing. Visiting places without the hassle of travel.

Two: The kids who give the tours on college campuses? Maybe they should train them to talk to the back of the group... or at least they could maybe talk louder than my 6th graders in the cafeteria?

Monday, April 2, 2018

Family Vacation

Vacations as a kid were a trip to Arkansas once a year, for a week...in August... to visit my dad's family. I always wished we could go somewhere else.

When Mark and I moved to Alaska for two years, we drove there and back again. Seeing so much of the country made me want to see more.

Once we had the boys, I was excited. Showing the boys all the things I wished I had seen, would not only give them what I never had, but give ME what I never had.

We followed Mark to Boston when he had a conference. We visited an aunt and uncle in New York and saw Niagra Falls and Fort Niagra. We followed the trail in Boston. We visited family in Pennsylvania. We stopped at the site where the plane went down in Shanksville. The boys were 7 and 9. They remember very little.

 The next year we visited family in Pennsylvania again for Mark's grandmother's 80'th birthday. We stopped at the sight of the Johnstown flood in Johnstown, Pensylvannia. We stopped at the air and space museum in Ohio. The boys remember very little.

Then, we discovered the new camp director at Pinewood was someone we knew from our days there. His wife used to be a kindergarten teacher. They had two boys the same age as our boys. It was love at first meet. We got invited to come up all the time. What better place for boys to go? The 4 of them would run around and have the time of their lives.

Travelling the country became a distant thought. Especially since we paid for each of them to attend camp for two weeks. We couldn't afford to travel as well.

We are on Spring Break. Youngest leaves for college in the Fall. Oldest will have chosen his next college by this summer. Both will be counselors at Pinewood this summer. We decided to have one last mini vacation before life takes over. We went to Turkey Run today since, even though we live in Indiana, we have never taken the boys...because of camp.

It snowed about 2 inches last night. Would it still be a good plan?

We decided to go ahead and try it. It was wonderful!

There was snow on the ground when we got there, so not many people were on the trails. It was gorgeous!





We walked, and climbed boulders, and picked our way through creek beds. And laughed.




We had lunch at the lodge and went back out to try some other trails. This time the sun was shining and the the sky was vivid blue. Snow from the trees plopped to the ground as the sun melted it from branches. We followed one path that had fast running shallows. At one point oldest and I took off our shoes and socks, because it was just easier.

But dang, if it wasn't freezing.

Literally. There was ice in places.

But we figured freezing for a while, was better than wet feet all day.

We all climbed on slippery rock, and trooped through woods and climbed up and down, and up, and up, stairs. And we laughed.









I hope it isn't our last family vacation. But as stand alone time together that isn't a trip to the mall in Fort Wayne, it was a trip we will all remember.


Sunday, April 1, 2018

April Fool

It is Easter. It is April 1st. It is snowing.

I will laugh at this joke if tomorrow is warmer and dryer.

A little sun wouldn't hurt.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Something to write about

Last day. I made it! I wasn't trying for any prizes or anything, I just wanted to know I could do it again.

Days when nothing happens are hard, because then I'm just writing about how I have nothing to write, in an attempt to write something...a convoluted dog chasing it's tail scenario.

Days when I'm fired up are hard, because I have to breathe and try to coherently convey my passion, without alienating whatever audience I may have at the time.

Conveying the passion is hard, because I really want everyone to jump on the float and travel the parade route with me.

Writing every day on a blog is hard, because there is no continuation as there would be in a book or novel. Every day is new. Every day is a blank page asking for a completely new idea-- some revelation or take away on life. But, like I said, some days really are just a horse and a wagon on Mulberry Street. That's why I think I will continue my Encyclopedia of Me on days where I have nothing else to write, so I have that continuation to keep me going.

Today I planned to just write Volume C for my Encyclopedia of Me, but we got home from spending time with my in-laws, to find our power was out. How long it had been out, or how long it would be out, were unknown.
We ordered pizza.
We played a family game.
The boys played chess by flashlight while hubby and I read by flashlight.
The house grew darker and colder.
I got bored and worried I would miss posting on the last day because of the stupid power outage.

But 4 hours after we got home to no power, it came back on.
We only lost two degrees of temperature from the time we got home.
I got to start a load of laundry.
I got to write this post.

Ironically, the book I was reading by flashlight, while under a blanket,  was The Wilder Life by Wendy McClure. In it, she discusses her fascination with the world of Laura Ingalls Wilder. I was just at the part where she is visiting a farm in Southern Illinois, where people come to experience life as it was lived in pioneer days.

Every time we lose power is a reminder that I would not have survived in pioneer days. I like cooking on our stove. I like the washing machine and it's neighbor, dryer.

 I like electricity.

Now excuse me while I plug in my phone.


Friday, March 30, 2018

Encyclopedia of Me: Volume B

Encyclopedia of Me Volume B

Bells: I have started collecting bells. We go to a place in Fort Wayne called The Wood Shack. It is an architectural salvage place. I love the old doors, and wooden chests, and old cabinets, but we don't have the room for any those things in our current house. Last year there was a beautiful cast iron bell, the kind that you would hang outside and ring to call the  kids in to dinner. That we had room for. Since then I have added 4 other bells. The latest is like the kind a teacher would ring at a one room school house. I don't think new bells would have the same allure and I don't know how long this phase will last. But for right now, Bells goes on my list for "B".

Books: Our family has an addiction. My husband and I have been the dealers for our kids. We started them as infants. We put board books in their cribs. I read to them every night until they were in 6th and 8th grade, when homework took over. Scholastic books, once they started school, furthered our dependence. When we go to Barnes and Noble and they ask if we have a members card, we laugh and hand them our member card and our Barnes and Noble credit card that gives us 1% cash back on every purchase. Our library has grown to over 4000 books combined between the 4 of us. We just can't get enough.

Boys: I am from a family of 6-- 5 of whom are girls. (see also brother) The neighborhood I grew up in was all girls. Even my cousins are mostly girls. So, when we found out we were pregnant, I was hoping for a girl. I knew how to do girls. But we had a boy. And I realized I loved having a boy. He was happy and curious and precious. When we got pregnant a  year later, I hoped it would be a boy, because now I knew how to do boys. And we were blessed once again with a boy. Now that they are 18 and 20, I don't know if I really know how to raise a boy, but I think we've done OK. And when I hear friends with girls talk, I know I wouldn't know how to raise a girl.

Brother:   I have one brother and he is 13 years older than I am. He left for college when I started Kindergarten. I don't know what it is like to have a brother, not really. I have snatches of memory.

My brother is 6'4. I am currently 5'3", but obviously when I was starting kindergarten, I was much smaller. I vividly remember walking with my brother, him on the sidewalk, me walking along the wall next to him.

 I remember him coming home and lifting me to the ceiling.

 I remember him informing us that "roof" had the "oo" sound like what an owl says, and that coupon did not start with the "q" sound. To this day it is a pet peeve when people say "roof" like a dog barking, or pronounce coupon with a "q" at the beginning.

 And I especially remember the time he came home from college... I was with my mom on the back porch where she was doing laundry. Ricky said something smart-alecy and my 5'4" stocky mother told him, "You're not so big, I can't take you over my knee and spank your butt!"  I decided then and there to be good. If she could take down my giant brother (theoretically) that I didn't stand a chance.

Rick and his wife took my husband and I to shows at Purdue -- where we attended and they were alumni.
 Rick paid for my drivers ed because my parents didn't have the money.

He is an engineer and the father of two beautiful daughters and 3 grandchildren. He's still more of and uncle because of the distance in age,  but he is my big brother and I love him.


Thursday, March 29, 2018

Encyclopedia of Me A edition

This may be a cop out, but I'd like to think of it as killing two birds with one stone.

I've been planning on making an Encyclopedia of Me of my own for a couple of years now, but haven't gotten around to it. If I use it as blog posts, I'll at least have the journaling done in a short amount of time.

For A:

Ancestry-  I became interested in my family history in 2012 when I started preparing for my parents 50th anniversary. I realized at that point my time with them wasn't going to be forever and I needed to get the stories I could. My mom had a typical middle class life and had good memories to share. My dad grew up poor and had few stories to share that didn't include working hard. Those stories led to a subscription to Ancestry.com and my search for stories.

Dad died ten years later-- 7 months before what would have been their 60th anniversary. Mom died two years after that. They didn't know the stories I had discovered. I continue to search for more. I hope to be able to share the stories I've discovered with my siblings soon.

Anxiety:  I "suffer" from anxiety or depression. I had postpartum depression after my kids were born. I recognized it after watching Marie Osmond talking about hers on Oprah. Everything she said was me. I asked my doctor and he asked, "Is that not normal for you?"

He is an amazing doctor and I wished he could have moved with us when we moved away, but that question threw me. In a 3 year span of time I had had 2 children, found our first born might be legally blind, moved to a new house, I'd left my job that I loved, and become a stay at home mom. I didn't know what normal for me was. So, I let it go.

I became afraid of going out, being in public, being alone...

We moved here and things didn't get better. I asked our new doctor and she put me on a medication. It has helped...immensely.

I still get anxious about crowds. I still work on not getting bogged down. I still think...hard...about everything. So Anxiety is definitely under A for me.

Autumn:  Autumn is my favorite season. I chose Autumn for my camp name. My husband says it is the perfect description of me. Stormy, changing, colorful. My birthday is in Autumn. I met my husband in Autumn. Autumn is sunshine and sweatshirts. If they made a candle that smelled like burning leaves, I'd have a collection.




Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Nothing

Today's quote couldn't be more perfect. "Sometimes the blank page wins."

It is Spring Break and today I did absolutely nothing. I subscribed to Newspapers.com and looked up people.

I watched reruns of ER and Supernatural.

I read.

I dropped youngest off at the movie theater and then picked him up.

I didn't watch or listen to news. I only interacted with the boys.

There was nothing to spark an idea or trigger an emotion.
Literally nothing.

So, like the kids in school, I wonder, "How many words does this have to be to receive credit?"

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Procrastination Gets You in the End

It seemed OK to procrastinate. I mean, it took so long to scan, and there were so many that, "I'll do it later," seemed like a good idea.

It wasn't.

I am working on our family history. Everyone's history -- Mom, Dad, Mom-in-law, Dad-in-law and back and back.

I've acquired my mom's photos, gotten photos from in-laws, from Aunts and Uncles, from Mom's cousin, and from Ancestry.

I've located documents from old newspapers, from the courthouse, and from Ancestry.

Obituaries, gravestones, photos of people and places.... and many of them have numbers 0015723, 2963812... not actual identification.

Oh, and copies of some of these too.

Thousands of items I now need to go through one by one.

But first I need to think of a system that will make sense to me when I need to find something next time.

I'm the only one who can do it. No professional organizer or outside person knows these people (I don't even know all of them.) Me -I have to do it.

Think of the stories I'll be able to tell when I get it all together.

No more procrastination.




Monday, March 26, 2018

Who brings the pencils

Our trip to Indy today included a trip to one of the Half Price Books. As I perused the shelves, I found a book put out by the La Porte Historical Society. Because I'm working on my family history, and primarily the family that is from La Porte, I grabbed it.

As I looked at the pages, I found a description I found funny, as it is proof that things have really not changed much in 100 years of education.

Today teachers buy supplies for the students in their classrooms. Right?

The quote from the book:"A one- room school house is defined as a school with all grades one through eight, being taught by one teacher and a curriculum very different from today. The heating system in this school is a wood stove and the teacher was primarily responsible for supplying the wood. Some parents and students assisted, however."

So, I guess, teachers have always been counted on for taking care of their kids, with little to no support from the community. Huh.


Sunday, March 25, 2018

Home

We will be putting our house up for sale after Youngest graduates in June.

This week makes 13 years in this house.

When we chose this house, I was a bit cautious. We are in the country with well and septic. I didn't know that was an option because I was an in town girl.

 Our old condo in Illinois was less than 1000 square feet. This house is around 1600 sq. ft.  It seemed like a palace, which made it feel like the kids were so far away when we put them to bed.

Our yard was huge. At the condo, I had a small purple plastic pool and a wheel barrow full of sand for playing in the yard, because it was shared space.

 It was all so overwhelming.

13 years later, we are still "not from here", because that is the kind of town we live in, but this house is home. It is where the Easter Bunny visited, leaving footprints behind. It is where Santa ate Maple Creams instead of cookies. It is where we learned pipes freeze when it gets to be 25 below zero windchill for several days in a row. And we learned you can prevent that, by leaving cabinets open and a trickle of water flowing from the faucet.

The garden tub was a zone of relaxation for me, and, when they were little, a swimming pool for the boys.

 The laundry room door has the marks of height from every first day of school.

I can still see in my mind, the epic Rescue Hero/ Transformer battles the boys set up -- like armies advancing-- stuffed cats set up as announcers. And I can see the cardboard ships they created from old boxes and duct tape.

The really cool sand box hubby built in the back yard, combined with the swing set when they got older, to become a sort of treeless tree house with turrets.

Husband has built tons of bookshelves to house our families addiction to books.

Oldest learned to make cookies and youngest has perfected homemade spaghetti sauce in our kitchen. Breakfast conversations have occurred at the kitchen counter.

All of these memories now need to be packed up.

Now we need to find a new place to call home.

First on my criteria list ...
                is a house in the country.



Saturday, March 24, 2018

Matter of perspective

Many people are lauding the "teenagers trying to make a difference". It's a matter of perspective, isn't it?

Would you think a group of teens trying to get abortion laws changed brave?

Many were struck by all the pairs of shoes outside the Capitol representing the victims of school violence.

How many baby booties would there be for the same time period performed by Planned Parenthood?  Would you be just as saddened and appalled?

Those teenagers are brave for speaking up for what they believe in.

I wonder what the aborted would say, if their voices hadn't been silenced?

Infringement of rights?
Right and wrong?

It's a matter of perspective, isn't it?