That's is the message some of received on this, our #saysomething day. But let me go back a bit to explain my frustration.
A weekly calendar of events for our school is sent out over the weekend. On this calendar, was #saysomething as the topic of our Monday morning meeting. I had to look up what it was, and since IA's don't attend the Monday morning meetings, I had to ask what it meant for us.
"Classroom teachers are getting T-shirts that say #saysomething and they are supposed to work with their class to create a list of 17 times somebody should say something. There aren't enough shirts for everyone so only classroom teachers are getting them. But somebody asked about jeans and it sounds like Wednesday will be a jeans day," was told to me by more than one person.
Frustrated, I was thinking, "So, teachers find out about this program on Monday and have to present the concept of why 17, as well as the delicate topics that needed to be a part of their lists on Wednesday? How does that make sense?"
I understood and was fine with the T-shirt situation until last night when we got an e-mail "to clarify".
"Anyone wearing a #saysomething t-shirt or teaching a #saysomething lesson is allowed to wear jeans tomorrow. And yes Friday is a jeans day."
It isn't the t-shirt. It isn't even the jeans really. It is the proclamation that, to me, said, "You don't matter."
Walking into school I see both secretaries wearing a #saysomething t-shirt.
Walking down the hallway, I see the custodian wearing a t-shirt.
The teachers I work with tell me a child from each class is to be chosen to "win" a t-shirt.
The principal has a teddy bear from a fund raiser in her office. She put a #saysomething T-shirt on the bear and put it in the front lobby.
A specials teacher said she was going to make a t-shirt of her own, since specials teachers were originally not going to get them either. She was told she could have one, saw a box full of the t-shirts and got one for each specials teacher.
So, every classroom teacher, every specials teacher, the secretaries, the nurse, the counselor, 16 students, and a giant teddy bear got t-shirts and the humans were able to wear jeans.
The assistants were in our usual dress clothes because we are not worthy.
Way to build a community within our building.
Then in class, we start making our list. 6th grade, so some kids weren't paying attention or were goofing around, but we did manage to turn it to some serious topics. So much so, a child asked to speak to me in the hall. What child had to say was important, and I was thinking how ill equipped I was in that moment to do more than listen and ask if child were willing to talk to the counselor.
Child agreed, and I went to find the counselor-- since today is a day she is in our building.
I relayed what had been told to me and let her know child absolutely didn't want it to get out that the information was coming from child. I asked if she had a few minutes and she said she had 25 before her next appointment.
I got child and sent child to her. Child was back in less than 15 minutes. Child didn't look happy.
"Did it go OK?" I asked.
Child shrugged.
"Do you feel like it helped?"
Child shook head.
"I'll try to find a way to help more then," I said.
When I saw the counselor later she thanked me for sending her child. I reiterated that child didn't want anyone to know it was child who told.
"I know. I stressed that to the people I passed it along to," she smiled.
I cannot begin to tell you how I will lose my mind if she screws this up. She is a counselor in training, meaning she isn't yet licensed. What was told to me required more than a 10 minute conversation. Who did she pass it along to and what will they do? How did it pay either child or me to #saysomething?
It was a HUGE step for this child to say what was said. Child's trust will be forever broken and child has so little to believe in as it is... I worry.
Which leads me to the code of secrecy. Our school takes FERPA to mean no one can know anything about a child. That was brought out to me once again during my conversation with child. Child mentioned school was aware of part of what was told to me. Had I known part of what was going on in child's life, I would have had some ground to stand on- a starting point to help.
Around the country, students walked out of buildings to protest gun violence.
Around the country some teachers led them out the doors.
How many of those students are the same ones who make fun of "weird" kids? How many are part of disenfranchising others who don't fit the mold of popular? How many teachers protesting gun violence are hurling insults and being derogatory in their stance?
Here "we" decided #saysomething was a better approach. The theory being, if we say something, we can make our class, our school, our community better. So some wore t-shirts they will likely never wear again. We made chart paper lists to hang in the hall. And we had brief discussions.
Neither way accomplishes what it sets out to accomplish. Community isn't a division of groups yelling at each other, nor is it a society that likes to promote #saysomething over "know more so you can do more."
Instead of marching to prove you have high morals, how about quiet acts of kindness? Value those around you -- those that agree and at least listen to those who don't.
Let everyone you meet know they have value, and you will have taken the real first step in building a community. This is well and truly the only way to end violence.
#everyonematters
