Anxiety and Depression

I have anxiety and depression.

It gets easier to say. Acknowledging this makes it easier to accept the feelings and not feel there is something wrong with me.

It fees a little like driving a car in Chicago traffic at rush hour, knowing how to drive, but being physically unable to steer or touch the brakes.

I know what would make things better, but I would rather crawl under the bed and hope that it will all be over when I crawl out again.

Friday is the last day of school...for the year, and forever for our family. Our youngest is graduating high school, and I have resigned my position at the elementary after 12 years.  I have so many problems with the way our district is run that I am just done. I am happy to not be dealing with it all any more. But, I love working with kids, I care about these kids, and knowing I won't be back is hard.

I am resigning. because hubby has been living and working 2 hours away for the last 7 years. He's come home on weekends and for school functions and holidays, but I have been a part time single mom for 7 years. With both boys in college in the fall, we can live together again.

To live together again, we have to sell our house here. That means packing and sorting and storing and figuring out what to keep and what to get rid of. We have a lot of clutter after 13 years in this house. The stress of all of it is a huge weight. On the one hand, I want to just throw everything into boxes and throw into storage and be done. But the monumental task has me wanting to crawl under the bed and hope a clone of me, that isn't a mess, will take the initiative and do it for me.

Hubby wants to wait until after graduation to think about a storage shed. Youngest wants a party and parties are a huge stressor for me. How do we plan for people? How much food to plan? Activities--yes or no? Order a cake or make a cake? What if only family shows up, since he doesn't have a lot of friends? He will be crushed. I think. One sister just had a mastectomy. Will she be OK? And all of this is the evening of graduation, after seeing our baby walk across the stage and into adulthood.

Both boys are working at camp this summer. Oldest loves it and has changed his major in school and thus has changed colleges because of camp. Will youngest love it? Will he gain maturity?

Oldest is visually impaired, but has had training in adaptive driving and has his license. He now has a car. We have driven with him, but not a lot before he left for camp. I worry about him driving up there.

They will both be at Ball State in the fall. Will they find friends? Will they find their passion? Will they meet girls that will be girlfriends? I don't want them to be alone.

Moving to where hubby lives and has a life will be stressful, because those people can't wait for me to be there. Hubby is going to try to protect me from the onslaught, but I'm going to have to meet new people. I'm going to have to interact. That is stressful.

When we sell our house, we can look for one there. I will miss this house, so what will we find? Something with the view we have now?

I am taking the summer off to figure out who I am again. I will eventually have to get a job-- two kids in college remember. I have no idea what I want to do. I have only ever worked with kids. What do I do if I don't work with kids?

And to top it all off I turn 50 in October.

There is so much in such a short span of time, I'm drowning. I wish I could thrive on the challenge and live in every moment as they happen, but I can't. I feel bad for wishing it all to be over and settled, because I will miss the individual moments.

Hubby is great, but he has his own ideas of how things should progress. I have friends, but they have things going on in their lives as well. Hence the out of control car.

I have anxiety and depression, but by saying it out loud, I can start to take some form of control. I still can't steer, but maybe by listing it all and acknowledging it is a huge weight, I can maybe tap the brakes before wind up a sobbing ball in the corner.

I have anxiety and depression, but I'll get through and be stronger..stay tuned.

Procrastination Gets You in the End

It seemed OK to procrastinate. I mean, it took so long to scan, and there were so many that, "I'll do it later," seemed like a good idea.

It wasn't.

I am working on our family history. Everyone's history -- Mom, Dad, Mom-in-law, Dad-in-law and back and back.

I've acquired my mom's photos, gotten photos from in-laws, from Aunts and Uncles, from Mom's cousin, and from Ancestry.

I've located documents from old newspapers, from the courthouse, and from Ancestry.

Obituaries, gravestones, photos of people and places.... and many of them have numbers 0015723, 2963812... not actual identification.

Oh, and copies of some of these too.

Thousands of items I now need to go through one by one.

But first I need to think of a system that will make sense to me when I need to find something next time.

I'm the only one who can do it. No professional organizer or outside person knows these people (I don't even know all of them.) Me -I have to do it.

Think of the stories I'll be able to tell when I get it all together.

No more procrastination.

Matter of perspective

Many people are lauding the "teenagers trying to make a difference". It's a matter of perspective, isn't it?

Would you think a group of teens trying to get abortion laws changed brave?

Many were struck by all the pairs of shoes outside the Capitol representing the victims of school violence.

How many baby booties would there be for the same time period performed by Planned Parenthood?  Would you be just as saddened and appalled?

Those teenagers are brave for speaking up for what they believe in.

I wonder what the aborted would say, if their voices hadn't been silenced?

Infringement of rights?
Right and wrong?

It's a matter of perspective, isn't it?

Road to College

Back in the fall our youngest, who is a High School Senior, narrowed his college search to 6 schools. After visiting all of them, he narrowed his choices to 3. He applied to, and was accepted by, all 3. We are now in the final lap.

My husband has been the one to go on all the visits so far. I didn't want to stress out our son. Hubby and son went to Anderson University for a final visit a few weeks ago. He loved it!

I took the day off of work today to go with them to Indiana Wesleyan.

Our appointment began at 9, so we left the house about 7:15. I have to mention, the thing I hate most about Daylight Saving is that it is dark in the morning again. You just start to have hope again and, "boom!" it is taken away. As we pulled out of the driveway, I mentioned how wrong it was.

I sat in the backseat, so Son could be in the front. He is quite good at being the DJ with his phone and the bluetooth. He kept us in music the whole 105 minutes.

We arrived in time, and shortly after, we had a meeting with an admissions counselor. She answered questions and explained our day. We were then referred to a student who would take us to Chapel.

Wesleyan is a Christian university and chapel will be required 3 times a week. All in our small visiting group attended, which was a good thing. For my husband and myself, who were raised United Church of Christ and Lutheran, the service was a bit intimidating. I married into the Lutheran faith and both boys have been raised in a Lutheran household. However, we haven't really gone to church much in the last 5 years, so Son wasn't intimidated in the least.

When I say intimidating, I mean they had a band, and the entire student body was in attendance, many waving their hands in the air, playing air guitar, and bouncing to the music. Their voices sang along to words projected onto two screens.  To traditional church goers, of traditional services, in small churches, this felt suffocating. If I were the one attending, I could have left then, confident this school was not a good fit. Son enjoyed it.

We next went to lunch. They had great choices, and the food was quite good. Son and Hubby said the food was better than Anderson.

Next was the campus tour. Our guide, Dylan, was fantastic! The tour was very thorough, and Dylan was funny and asked questions and answered all of our questions. I was impressed.

One of the stops, of course, was to see an example of what a dorm is like. The rooms are impressive. The layout seems to offer some privacy and they have suites that share a bathroom, so no communal bathrooms.

We sat in on a creative writing class, which is Son's major of choice. Hubby and I got to sit in as well. I found the professor to be engaging and fun. He had Son sit at a table with kids from the class, and they treated him like an equal.

After the class, we met with the same professor. He let Son know what the Writing major requirements were. He was friendly and helpful.

We went back to the Admissions Center to check out, and Son got a free T-shirt.

We, of course, had to stop at Ivanhoe's for milkshakes on the way home.

The way the college choice points stack up right now:

Both have chapel requirements, but Indiana Wesleyan is much more Faith based.

Anderson had a great History professor. IWU had a great Creative Writing professor.

Then IWU wins in food, dorms, and the fact that they have more band opportunities.

Hubby and I went to Valparaiso University for our Freshman year and graduated from Purdue because Valpo was so much more expensive.

Oldest started at Indiana Tech, but no longer wants to be an engineer, so he is taking the semester off while he decides what he does want to be, and what school will offer that.

What I worry most about, is Youngest will start at a school where Faith is expressed more visibly than he may be comfortable with and need to find a new place to belong.

It's his first "most important decision of your life" decision. It's hard knowing I am not needed or even wanted as anything more than a consultant. But I have to believe we've done our best, and I'd like to think we did a pretty good job.


Indiana Wesleyan University moves to first place.
Next is Ball State.
Then the decision.
Ready or not, here comes the future.

Nurturing Butterflies

A butterfly emerging from it's chrysalis needs to struggle to develop its wings so it can fly.

A baby chick has to peck its own way out of its shell in order to build up strength to survive once it breaks free.

If someone were to help either of them-- out of pity at their struggle-- they would succeed only in harming, if not killing them.   Struggle is necessary in order to build the capacity to survive. We as a society have succeeded in harming the next generation through our pity at their struggle. 

Conscience is that little voice inside our head telling us whether something is right or wrong. But who decides right and wrong and how do we instill those values in our kids?

It used to be, at least for me, parents and church that taught me right from wrong. Sometimes fear was the catalyst for that decision. Fear of the paddle (which I don't agree with), but also fear of disappointing those who believed in me and trusted me. A healthy fear is good. It is that voice that says, "This is wrong."

Today we lament parents who have no discipline and only want to be their child's friend. Apparently being their friend is our job?  The world is such a horrible place, and parents are such horrible care givers, that WE in EDUCATION have to be the "safe" place for them?  And just how do we make them feel "safe"?... by being their friend. 

In one of my favorite books, Positive Discipline  by Jane Nelsen it talks about how discipline should "follow the 3 "R's" and be "Natural and Logical"

Related means the consequence should be related to the behavior. 

Respectful means the consequence must not involve blame, shame, or pain and be respectfully enforced.

Reasonable means the consequence must not involve piggy-backing and be reasonable from the child's point of view as well as the adults.

Speaking for my school, we give multiple chances that include stickers and coins and tickets that lead to treasure boxes and prizes... for not throwing a fit, or hitting, or fighting, or disrupting. We take away recess... tomorrow. Our office is a friendly place because kids "shouldn't fear" the office. So in a sense we are a chaotic mess of placation.  We let our pity make excuses for why "they can't succeed". 

They live in a bad neighborhood.

They live in poverty.

They have a parent who has to work two jobs.

Parent is in jail.

Parent is sick.

Drugs.

Etc., Etc., Etc.,

How many success stories start with, "Someone else put in the work and I let them."  When we teach writing we teach there has to be a struggle, an antagonist, a hardship-- that brings about change. 

How would you grade a story whose plot was: Johnny was disruptive and rude. He disrespected adults and caused havoc wherever he went, so his mom let him play on his phone and his teacher let him pick from the prize box, and the principal bought him Mc Donalds and ate lunch with him.  Johnny continued being rude because he liked the cool perks. The End?

I'm positive we have different views on what is right and wrong in the political and social norms aspect of life, and we shouldn't be projecting those beliefs on the children in our charge, but I think we can all agree on the Golden Rule. Expecting kids to be respectful and kind and to treat others with decency is not abuse. It's not even setting the bar too high. 

Many in education don't realize you don't have to be a doormat in order to build relations. Shouldn't we set expectations high enough for them to feel pride in that achievement and the work required, rather than so low they can trip over them when they are walking?

Are we brave enough to let them struggle out of the chrysalis of childhood?

We Need More Busy-bodies

Growing up the B's lived across the street... on the corner. Mr. Burke was the choir teacher at the high school. Terry was in my sister Sheri's class at school. Kelly was 4 years older than I am and gave me her hand me downs. Mrs. Burke didn't work outside the home. Their house was beautiful and they had every board game I never owned.

Next to them were the D's. They had as many kids as my family. Of the two we played with, Jenny was a coulple years older than me, Julie a year younger than my younger sister. Their parents worked at Whirlpool and their house had air conditioning where the basement was so cold you needed a jacket in the summer. Their yard was immaculate.

Z's were next. They were the cranky old couple who kept any ball that came over their fence.

L's lived in the right half of the duplex that came next. They had a daughter the about the same age as my older sisters.

To the right of our house were the W's. They had kids younger than all of us. Andy was killed when he was six crossing Alexander street on the way to his grandparents. Timmy would say after that he was going to take a ladder to heaven to visit him.

To the left of our house was a revolving door of people for some reason. I remember one family that stuck their hands through our fence and pulled the cotton plants we had brought back from Arkansas out of the ground where we had planted them.

We all belonged to each other. We knew when we did something wrong, we would get called on it ... and then called on it again from our own parents.

I wasn't made to say, "Yes, Ma'am" or "No, Sir," but the Ma'am and Sir were implied.

Smarting off wasn't cute. Some were verbally told so, others physically. Not one of us was abused.

I know this sounds like a good old days yadda yadda story, but in truth losing those days is not as wonderfully progressive as some would have you believe.

We say nothing or hold judgmental  rallies  where we shout about the evils of those whose values contradict our own. WE are perfect in our safe little houses of group think. THEY are not just wrong-headed -- but evil in their dissent. We don't know each other so we don't have to care. Our way is the only way, and anyone who refuses to do as we say is a "bigoted expletive unwilling to compromise."

Stop.

WE are supposed to be grown-ups. What example are we setting when we don't respect police, or military, or our President?

And you'll notice I didn't say like. I didn't say agree with. I didn't say celebrate. I said respect. If we can't model RESPECTFUL disagreement, how can we expect our children to respect anyone or anything.

We are supposed to be grown-ups.

WHY do you believe as you do? Don't list all the ways the person you disagree with is awful as a human being. Why do you believe what you believe? Why should I believe as you do... if I happen to disagree? Go beyond, how it is racist, bigoted, homophobic, classist, or exclusionary. Tell me how your view makes the world a better place.

And then listen.

You may be surprised how much we have in common.

The first step is getting to know the metaphorical people in your neighborhood. If we all belong to each other, maybe it would be harder to hate.

By the way, my house was the green one in the middle. We had the yard with no grass, because all the neighbor kids trampled the grass away. We had no air conditioning. We had open windows and box fans. The back porch smelled of wet laundry. The kitchen smelled of homemade cinnamon rolls. The front porch was where we played Brady Bunch and the back yard was for playing Charlies Angels.

And the street was what we crossed when we wanted to play together.

In Search of Concise

There is the kernel of at least one good blog post here. It needs revising, I know. I just needed to get a rough draft out and see if I find a direction.  Thanks for indulging me.



Are we worthy of respect?

I've been thinking about this lately.

As a collective, educators lament the lack of respect for our profession.

Respect is defined as "a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements."

What abilities, qualities, or achievements do we elicit? How can we expect respect from society as a whole when we don't demand it at the district level?

Teachers have college degrees, many have masters degrees, and all must have continuing education and professional development. Then we behave as though it is OK to be treated as though we are lucky to be employeed.

It is not OK to have to buy copy paper to deliver our lessons because "paper" isn't in the budget.

It is not OK to give kids 1:1 technology and then require teachers to find the appropriate material in which to meet the standards. Not supplemental items to reinforce curriculum, but the actual curriculum. Further these materials must be found outside of contract hours, because there isn't time in a contractual day. Materials must be located, vetted for standards, and be accessible through electronic filters.

It is not OK to only allow praise and bribes, but overlook disruptive and destructive behavior. It is ridiculous to expect miracles when we are not given the tools to succeed.

It is not OK to capitulate to the parents who make excuses for their children.

Some places protected teachers because of a false notion that the degree earned the right to teach. But, in an attempt to show we are no longer that entity we have thrown common sense out the window.

Some people took the quote "If kids can't learn the way we teach, perhaps we should teach the way they learn," and built it up to be THE way to engage kids. And it is, but not in the way you think.

Teaching them the way they learn doesn't mean they run the show. We have so many cute adages to mitigate our worth as teachers. "Be the guide on the side, not the sage on the stage."  "You don't sit at desks in straight backed chairs, why should kids?" "Access to constant liquid and food helps them focus on learning and not being hungry."

Teaching them the way they learn is slowing down or speeding up. It is allowing them to show what they have learned within given parameters. It's listening and reexplaining in different ways until they do know the material.

My favorite nugget though "...the world they will be living in..."

I am terrified. WE are creating that "world" either by choice or by abdication of choice.

UNLESS

we stand up and say, "No More!"

UNLESS

the administrators stand in front of us... and behind us... and say, "You will not treat my staff like that."

UNLESS

we believe we are worthy of respect and Demand RESPECT from our own administration

we may as well resign ourselves to our daily quota of widgets and collect our dollar a day paycheck.

Witch or Doormat?

I am using the theme of Gripes and Grins for the month of February. I am alternating days. Today is an odd day, so today will be a gripe.

I am working in 6th grade this year. I worked with these same kids when they were kindergartners, and not much has changed.

Education today seems to be a choice between being a screaming shrew and being a door mat.

 We spend our days giving kids choice in their learning.

 Many of us are jumping on the Starbucks classroom bandwagon because kids need to have choice in where and how they sit.  After all, we as adults have that choice.
 We should provide lamps instead of the overhead lights because lamps are not as harsh.
 Kids bring water bottles into class because drinking water is essential, not only to life, but to learning.
They bring snacks because they can't think on a stomach that ate two hours ago.
As adults, we listen to music while we work--kids should be afforded that same choice.

We mustn't expect them to work when they don't feel like it. Homework can be turned in when kids get around to it...after all they are busy with their extra-curricular lives.

We require "turn and talk" and group work because that "is the world they will live in."

So kids kick back, relax with their music,
and snacks,
 and drinks,
 in the chair of their choosing,
with their buddies,
and play the games they have put on their computers without permission or watch YouTube videos as they search for the answer
to "What is the capital of Spain"
and we are supposed to look on this with satisfaction because these kids are taking control of their learning.

Until we don't.

We are told to give coins and stickers and prize box gems to kids who are behaving properly in hopes the "fun timers" will want the goodies.

But they rarely do.

We ask politely.
They ignore.

We manipulate.
"I'd like to thank Bobby for getting started on his work."
They snort.

We raise our voice and remind them of what they should be doing.
They roll their eyes.

We approach individuals to ask for them to stay on task.
They promise to our face, then roll their eyes when we walk away.

We resist the urge to turn into a swirling, twirling out of control banshee.
They laugh as they eat another cookie.

We ask for help from our supervisors and are told we need to reward those giving us appropriate behavior, because a consequence for those who aren't, could hurt their feelings and inspire a call from a parent.

It seems kids have all the choice in the world.

We have the choice to be a witch or a doormat.

'Cause THIS is the world we live in.

The Blank Page Questions

Is it enough to put words on a page? 

When you consider audience, should you have a common thread that keeps readers coming back? The people I read do have a common thread or theme that makes me want to hear what they say.

 That's what I think about when I sit down to write each day. 

Why would anyone want to read about my family game night one day and my quest for pictures of sandhill cranes landing by a pond the next and my genealogy find a third day? 

The blogs I frequent, in addition to a common theme are well written. The ability to write well comes with practice but few people can master all genres equally. Do I pick a form and hone that? Do I use March to experiment and find my genre niche or do I have a blog to play form and genre? 

What is the point and purpose of having a blog? Is it a diary or a letter or are my posts musings or ideas in search of an audience?

I don't know. And that is why I post late every day. And why after March my postings drop dramatically. Why do I even have a blog? 

I need to figure this out. 

Another blank page awaits tomorrow.

Parents are the problem

Here in Indiana we had storms move through overnight, so I am tired and grumpy. Maybe not the best way to kick off writing month because the frustration is more raw.

So many educators push back against criticism of the education system laying the blame on poverty. Yes, there are hungry children.  Yes, there are homes where kids lack shelter. And absolutely a child can't learn if he is hungry or she is homeless. We need to help those children.

But, I am going to be controversial and lay the criticism at the feet of parents. Children are not a "To-Do" list item to cross off your life goals list.

 "My body- my choice" should not refer to the life that grows inside a woman. The choice a woman makes should be to have intercourse or not.

Most birth control is pretty effective if used correctly. Not having sex is 100% effective. Choose the father of your child carefully. They will be a part of your child's life for the rest of your life.

Once you have children, they become important. Yes, you need to remember who you are, but who you are is not the same as the you before kids. Kids shouldn't necessarily be the center of your universe, but they should rank above your sex life. Kids have steps, Halfs, and mom's boyfriend's kids that they call a sibling. A child should have a home. Not a favorite suitcase.

The latest movie may be something you are looking forward to. Hire a baby sitter. Dead Pool is not for 8 year olds or 7 year olds or 6 year olds. Dead Pool is rated R -- that means you should be over the age of 17. That should be a hint that you maybe at least preview it-- to see if it would be ok. And for the record, it still isn't for a 6, 7, or 8 year old.

My husband went to a presentation a long time ago where they discussed  poverty. The notion that people in poverty live for NOW. If they get money they spend it right away on "fun things" because they don't know when they will get money again. My friends who have been teaching for a long time confirm this.  They say they will visit a family at their home and there will be a big screen TV and multiple game consoles and games. However, the kids won't have a bed. And there isn't a table or chairs where they can eat. Where does the concept that an adult's happiness overrules their responsibilities as a parent? And why do we let it slide with a shrug of the shoulders or a frustrated sigh and think if only the parent(s) had more government money things would be better for the children?

We can throw all the money in the world at the poverty dilemma, but it won't change the mindset.

I grew up with government cheese and powdered milk. My dad hated having a boss telling him what to do, so he worked for himself a lot. Christmas was thrift store finds or homemade gifts. As soon as I started babysitting at 11, I was, for the most part, the one who bought my own clothes. I heard my mom beg for more time to pay bills. I know she was embarrassed when she had to use food stamps.  Because they didn't have much money or any real financial stability, when my dad died my mom negotiated a bargain price on cremation based on the fact the funeral home had handled many of her family's funerals --and locked in the price for herself. I have been there-- in the poverty cycle. And I don't feel sorry for myself.

My parents didn't provide monetary things. My parents provided stability. They provided expectations. They provided boundaries.  There was a point in time that I thought them selfish for not providing for us all the things I thought I "needed." After working with kids whose parents get more government money than my parents ever did, but spend it on fun-- not caring they aren't providing for their kids, makes me grateful. I am grateful that while I still think my dad was selfish for not keeping a job because he didn't like being told what to do, they put food on the table and gave us values. They stayed together for nearly 60 years until death parted them. And that is after losing a child when she was 5. They didn't give up because things were hard.

So stop putting the blame on the government not doing enough, or having a high enough minimum wage, or think throwing more government  money at people who still manage to fund cigarettes and beer is the answer.  I am not smart enough to say what THE answer is, but I honestly believe making excuses isn't it.

Why the diatribe? It gets frustrating when kids are rude, disrespectful, and even violent and we don't want to bother the parents. These incidents have happened this week. Obviously I can't go into details but the one in particular is not even from poverty. The one is from selfish parents who put their own needs before their child's. And will continue to do so because parenting is hard. And parents aren't expected to put in their best effort if they don't want to.

"You can't tell a parent how to be a parent."

Maybe not. But maybe there could be a rubric?

I'll be less grouchy tomorrow.

It starts here -- Wherever that is

The big news today is, of course, the appointment of Betsy DeVos to Secretary of Education. And apparently this is the end of public education as we know it AND that should make us: sad, mad, outraged, and void of all hope.

I honestly don't care if she is Secretary of Ed or not. If she had been rejected I would not have cared.

However, I do have questions of those who feel so emphatically that DeVos is just one of the atrocious choices made by an administration that is less than three weeks old.

What was education like before The Secretary of Education became a cabinet level position? If I am reading the history correctly, President Carter made it a cabinet level position in 1979. I am guessing in an attempt to ensure that poorer states and districts had opportunities that government could provide?  This is an admirable attempt to try to provide equity in opportunity.

 Has it succeeded?

One of the top concerns of those opposing DeVos is her support of Charter Schools. The belief as well as truth is that Charter Schools take money away from public schools. So I've done some research.

The first Charter school was opened in the 1990's under President Clinton  as a way of expanding public education. President Bush allowed it to be an alternative for parents in failing districts. In this article

 https://www2.ed.gov/news/pressreleases/2009/06/06082009a.html

not only does it state that President Obama and his Secretary Arne Duncan were in favor of Charter schools, they also tied the expansion of Charter Schools to their Race to the Top replacement of No Child Left Behind established by President Bush.

This link

 https://www.edreform.com/issues/federal-policy/race-to-the-top/

and the links within, demonstrate how states who did not allow the expansion of Charter Schools would be penalized on the rubric determining federal dollars that would be distributed by the Department of Ed. to those attempting to obtain Race to the Top dollars.  Did everyone march in the streets to protest Charter Schools at that time?

The other main criticism is her lack of experience in public education.

http://blogs.edweek.org/edweek/campaign-k-12/2016/02/education-secretaries-who-were-also-teachers.html

In the above article, they go through each Secretary of Education and their experience level.

The first, Shirley Hufstedler, was a lawyer and a judge. She served under Jimmy Carter.

The second-- Terrell H. Bell-- was a teacher and superintendent and is credited with the report A Nation at Risk. The article says many believe it was at this time the persistent bashing of public education began. He left in Regan's second term because Reagan still meant to dismantle the department of Education.

William J Bennett who served under Reagan didn't have any K-12 experience but did have some at the college level.

The same is true of Lauro F Cavazos who served under Bush 41 and taught at the college level with a medical background.

Ted Sanders did have a K-12 background and served interim under Bush 41.

Then Bush 41 appointed Lamar Alexander, a politician who had made education reform a cornerstone of his Govenership in Tennessee but had no personal experience.

Clinton had Richard Riley who had also been a Governor ( in South Carolina) and had made Education Reform part of his platform.

Roderick Paige, who served under Bush 43, did have a K-12 background. But Margaret Spellings did not-- and she is credited in helping draft No Child Left Behind. She was, however, the first mother of school aged children to serve as Secretary of Education.

Obama had Arne Duncan who had been in charge of the Chicago Public Schools and had experience in other administrative rolls pertaining to education. He helped draft the Race to the Top initiative.

Obama also had John B King as an interim Secretary and Mr. King had taught High School.

So, Mrs. DeVos is not the only Secretary to not have classroom experience in a K-12 setting or for some, in any setting. I could argue some of those who had experience made things worse.

And if you think locally, when was the last time your Superintendent or Curriculum Director were in a classroom? The further from experience they get the more "expert" they feel they are. Perhaps Mrs. DeVos, because she doesn't have experience, will be more willing to listen to those of us in the trenches.

Educators seem to be digging in to defend an education system that is broken. If it worked parents wouldn't be trying to escape it. To say it isn't fair to the poor kids or the inner city kids or the  fill in the blank kids, is not an accurate assessment. THOSE kids deserve the opportunity to escape as well. And if I am being completely honest, I am glad our youngest is a junior. If the changes going on now, where we are, had started when the boys were in elementary, we would be looking for a different district. I can care about the kids in our care, in our community, in our state, in our country, in the world even, but if it comes down to a choice between what is best for my child or ensuring my kid is lockstep and on par with every other child -- even if that means swimming in a sea of mediocrity, I'm sorry -- my kid comes first.

We can all name what is wrong with public education. Many are--in all forms of social media. How many are doing more than just angrily  lamenting all with which we disagree?  I wish all the educators who called congress about saying No to DeVos would call their representatives about reforming education in their states and districts.

Because when your really get down to it, it is the states that interpret what the federal government says and the districts who interpret what the state says and the principals who interpret what the district says. We can't fix it by trying to control one person in Washington.

How many are willing to get together with your colleagues and march to the principal's office and demand support? How many are willing to get together with your district and storm the superintendents office and tell them how you wish to be represented to the state? What change that really matters to you and can really make a difference in your classroom and maybe even to your personal health and emotional well being are you willing to fight for in your school?

Start there.

Worry

There was spotting of blood before I knew I was pregnant and I worried.

I was "high normal" for amniotic fluid so I worried.

His heart rate dropped during labor and I worried.

When he was born the cord was wrapped around his neck, his arm, and his leg so I worried.

His bilirubin count at one week was 29 and the hospital tech person remarked, "Wow! I've never seen it that high before!" Boy, did I worry.

He wasn't tracking left to right when he was 3 months old and I worried.

We were told he had albinism and might be legally blind. I worried.

He skipped kindergarten because he would have been the 29th child and they wouldn't have an assistant until there were 30 kids. I worried it was the right choice.

We moved before the end of 1st grade and I worried.

Because of his vision, he was not good at sports in a town that plays sports. He was smart beyond his age. He loved to read. He did not love to talk. I worried because he didn't have many kids he could relate to.
I worried and my heart hurt.

Hubby had to find a new job the summer before 8th grade. He found one 2 hours away. We had to decide whether to move the whole family from our home of 6 years just as the boys were entering their critical teen years or have the boys and I stay and hubby commute on weekends. I still worry if we made the right choice.

There are so many decisions we make on behalf of our children. Most seem huge at the moment:

Breast or Bottle
Cloth or Disposable
when to feed solids
when to potty train
how to celebrate major and family holidays
stay at home mom or working outside the home mom

The list goes on. And at every crossroad we worry if it's the "right" thing.
There are copious amounts of books telling us how we made the "wrong" choice.

Then the day comes when your child leaves for college or the military or marriage or a job opportunity and you realize all your choices culminate in that moment. You've studied for this test with all those books and experts tutoring. And you worry.

At least I do.

We take oldest to campus in a few days -- not far away, but not here anymore.

I know we have a wonderful, intelligent, thoughtful, creative, kind son. People who see him say he is ready and he'll be fine.
He worked at residence camp this summer for 9 weeks. They say he'll be fine.
My husband tells me he'll be fine.

But I know when we drive away, leaving him there with 3 suite mate strangers, on a campus in the middle of a bigger city, to figure out classes and living and managing life his way, I will worry if we did enough to prepare him. I will worry that today's society is too dangerous to allow him to be out there without me to throw myself in front of danger.

And I worry that having done it right means he won't need me anymore.

It is said that to have a child, is to forever have your heart walk around outside your body.

Well, this week -- my heart leaves for college.

Listen to your heart

Two years ago was rough.

I watched as my good friend's health deteriorated due to the stress of work.

I experienced a group of children that rivaled all groups I had experienced to date. And not in a good way.

I noted a total lack of support and compassion from someone who judges others on their ability to offer support and compassion.

Last year was worse.

I watched as things unraveled.

I experienced crushing negativity.

I noted the wrong way to build a team or handle staff.


This year approached at a slow march.

The position I'd been interested in and denied each of the last 5 years due to my lack of a teaching degree was once again posted.

I did not find out my schedule until the weekend before the first staff day.

I did not meet my intervention partner until the staff work day.

But.....

She turned out to be great.

And I love my schedule and the people I'm working with.

And the kids this year are the way I remember kids being... very unlike  the kids of the past 3 years.

And I will be doing intervention with K, 1, & 2 -- the groups I have finally finessed and gotten instruction to a point I think works and can be successful.

After 4 days I am actually happy. Actually each of the 4 days I have left work happy.

And then the monkey in the wrench...

The person who was going to do intervention got a teaching job and only worked the first day of school.

And I was offered the job. The one I had wanted. But it would require RTI and ESL and record keeping and the possibility of math and writing as well.

But it was THE job.

I said I wanted to think about it.

I talked to my two best friends. I talked to my husband.

And

I declined the offer.

Because our oldest leaves for college a week from Friday.
Because it would be more work for the same amount of pay.

Because I am happy.

And because sometimes your heart changes it's mind.

And sometimes you have to listen to your heart.