I have anxiety and depression.
It gets easier to say. Acknowledging this makes it easier to accept the feelings and not feel there is something wrong with me.
It fees a little like driving a car in Chicago traffic at rush hour, knowing how to drive, but being physically unable to steer or touch the brakes.
I know what would make things better, but I would rather crawl under the bed and hope that it will all be over when I crawl out again.
Friday is the last day of school...for the year, and forever for our family. Our youngest is graduating high school, and I have resigned my position at the elementary after 12 years. I have so many problems with the way our district is run that I am just done. I am happy to not be dealing with it all any more. But, I love working with kids, I care about these kids, and knowing I won't be back is hard.
I am resigning. because hubby has been living and working 2 hours away for the last 7 years. He's come home on weekends and for school functions and holidays, but I have been a part time single mom for 7 years. With both boys in college in the fall, we can live together again.
To live together again, we have to sell our house here. That means packing and sorting and storing and figuring out what to keep and what to get rid of. We have a lot of clutter after 13 years in this house. The stress of all of it is a huge weight. On the one hand, I want to just throw everything into boxes and throw into storage and be done. But the monumental task has me wanting to crawl under the bed and hope a clone of me, that isn't a mess, will take the initiative and do it for me.
Hubby wants to wait until after graduation to think about a storage shed. Youngest wants a party and parties are a huge stressor for me. How do we plan for people? How much food to plan? Activities--yes or no? Order a cake or make a cake? What if only family shows up, since he doesn't have a lot of friends? He will be crushed. I think. One sister just had a mastectomy. Will she be OK? And all of this is the evening of graduation, after seeing our baby walk across the stage and into adulthood.
Both boys are working at camp this summer. Oldest loves it and has changed his major in school and thus has changed colleges because of camp. Will youngest love it? Will he gain maturity?
Oldest is visually impaired, but has had training in adaptive driving and has his license. He now has a car. We have driven with him, but not a lot before he left for camp. I worry about him driving up there.
They will both be at Ball State in the fall. Will they find friends? Will they find their passion? Will they meet girls that will be girlfriends? I don't want them to be alone.
Moving to where hubby lives and has a life will be stressful, because those people can't wait for me to be there. Hubby is going to try to protect me from the onslaught, but I'm going to have to meet new people. I'm going to have to interact. That is stressful.
When we sell our house, we can look for one there. I will miss this house, so what will we find? Something with the view we have now?
I am taking the summer off to figure out who I am again. I will eventually have to get a job-- two kids in college remember. I have no idea what I want to do. I have only ever worked with kids. What do I do if I don't work with kids?
And to top it all off I turn 50 in October.
There is so much in such a short span of time, I'm drowning. I wish I could thrive on the challenge and live in every moment as they happen, but I can't. I feel bad for wishing it all to be over and settled, because I will miss the individual moments.
Hubby is great, but he has his own ideas of how things should progress. I have friends, but they have things going on in their lives as well. Hence the out of control car.
I have anxiety and depression, but by saying it out loud, I can start to take some form of control. I still can't steer, but maybe by listing it all and acknowledging it is a huge weight, I can maybe tap the brakes before wind up a sobbing ball in the corner.
I have anxiety and depression, but I'll get through and be stronger..stay tuned.
Showing posts with label hubby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hubby. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
Saturday, April 14, 2018
Encyclopedia of Me: Volume H
Loosely based on Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Krause Rosenthal.
Volume H
Hard Moments: Everyone has hard moments in life. The hard moments don't have to be negative, just life changing. Here are a few of mine.
Moving to Alaska: I had never been so far from home and family. We didn't know how long we'd be there or what it would be like. When we left, we didn't know when we'd see family and friends again. Being there wasn't as hard as I thought, even the 50 below wasn't bad. The dark all the time was the worst. But we strengthened our marriage by only having each other to rely on.
Delaware: Living in Delaware made us appreciate our life growing up in the Midwest. (see defining moments)
Parents dying: My parents died two years apart. It is hard to no longer have your link to your heritage.
High School: I liked my high school. We were the La Porte Slicers. I had jobs, and wasn't able to go to games -- not that I would have anyway. I did, however, go to the dances every home game. My friends and I and later Mark and his friends had a blast. Usually followed by Burger King and cruising Lincolnway. I was in the top 15% academically. I learned typing on a typewriter that had blank keys. I took 4 years of French. I took Math as far as Geometry because that's all I had to. I was in Choir. I hated Gym. I took Government in Summer School, because it was easier. I lost friends and gained others. But most importantly, I gained my soul mate.
Husband: My husband is my hero. He is the calming force in my life. He is the epitome of character. In the y, in the 90's there was the Character Counts iniative, for which the corner stones were: caring, honesty, respect, and responsibility.
Mark is caring and compassionate to everyone he interacts with. He is able to calm situations that arise in his job and handles them in a way that allows everyone to leave with dignity.
Honesty is as important to him as it is to me and the way to get him angry is to lie to or about him. He is honest and can be trusted without doubt.
Respect comes naturally for him. He meets with CEOs and politicians as well as tough kids and single moms and treats them all with the same respect and dignity.
Responsibility- When we decided to have kids, I tried to juggle having our son with us at work. When that didn't work, he supported and agreed with the decision to have me stay home with our kids. Because of that decision, he took on the role of sole provider for an eventual family of 4.
Because of who he is, heart and soul, people are drawn to him and instinctively trust he is doing things for the greater good.
He is a good man and I'm so proud of him and all he's accomplished, and I am lucky he chose me.
Volume H
Hard Moments: Everyone has hard moments in life. The hard moments don't have to be negative, just life changing. Here are a few of mine.
Moving to Alaska: I had never been so far from home and family. We didn't know how long we'd be there or what it would be like. When we left, we didn't know when we'd see family and friends again. Being there wasn't as hard as I thought, even the 50 below wasn't bad. The dark all the time was the worst. But we strengthened our marriage by only having each other to rely on.
Delaware: Living in Delaware made us appreciate our life growing up in the Midwest. (see defining moments)
Parents dying: My parents died two years apart. It is hard to no longer have your link to your heritage.
High School: I liked my high school. We were the La Porte Slicers. I had jobs, and wasn't able to go to games -- not that I would have anyway. I did, however, go to the dances every home game. My friends and I and later Mark and his friends had a blast. Usually followed by Burger King and cruising Lincolnway. I was in the top 15% academically. I learned typing on a typewriter that had blank keys. I took 4 years of French. I took Math as far as Geometry because that's all I had to. I was in Choir. I hated Gym. I took Government in Summer School, because it was easier. I lost friends and gained others. But most importantly, I gained my soul mate.
Husband: My husband is my hero. He is the calming force in my life. He is the epitome of character. In the y, in the 90's there was the Character Counts iniative, for which the corner stones were: caring, honesty, respect, and responsibility.
Mark is caring and compassionate to everyone he interacts with. He is able to calm situations that arise in his job and handles them in a way that allows everyone to leave with dignity.
Honesty is as important to him as it is to me and the way to get him angry is to lie to or about him. He is honest and can be trusted without doubt.
Respect comes naturally for him. He meets with CEOs and politicians as well as tough kids and single moms and treats them all with the same respect and dignity.
Responsibility- When we decided to have kids, I tried to juggle having our son with us at work. When that didn't work, he supported and agreed with the decision to have me stay home with our kids. Because of that decision, he took on the role of sole provider for an eventual family of 4.
Because of who he is, heart and soul, people are drawn to him and instinctively trust he is doing things for the greater good.
He is a good man and I'm so proud of him and all he's accomplished, and I am lucky he chose me.
Friday, April 6, 2018
Encyclopedia of Me: Volume E
Idea from Amy Krause Rosenthal.
Encyclopedia of Me: Volume E
Education: I went to Valparaiso University for my Freshman year of college with my eventual husband. We transferred to Purdue our sophomore year because, if we had stayed we'd be over forty thousand dollars in debt.
I was an elementary education major, because I knew I wanted to work with kids. After working at camp, I knew I didn't want to be a teacher, but because it's what I had chosen, I thought I had to stick with it. It wasn't until Senior year that I decided to change my major. I just wanted to graduate, so I chose an English major. It took an extra semester to graduate -- I had to take the 4th semester of French in the Summer semester. I have a BA in English from Purdue University.
Empathic: I am empathic. I feel the energy from a room or a person, and absorb it. It affects me. It can be hard to switch out of it. I think I am a good judge of character because of it. Mark refers to it as my Spidey sense.
Empty Nest: Our boys are 18 and 20. The youngest graduates in June. Both will be working at camp over the summer and at school in the fall. I know they will still be home to visit, but it is the start of our empty nest, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. (see stay-at-home mother)
Eyes: I have brown eyes. I always wanted green eyes and red curly hair. The typical story of wanting what you don't. If I had to have brown eyes, I wished I could have light brown eyes. But I don't. I don't even have deep chocolate brown eyes. I just have medium brown boring eyes. Sometimes I look in the mirror, and I'm surprised because hubby and both boys have blue eyes. It seems weird to always see blue eyes, except when you look in the mirror.
Encyclopedia of Me: Volume E
Education: I went to Valparaiso University for my Freshman year of college with my eventual husband. We transferred to Purdue our sophomore year because, if we had stayed we'd be over forty thousand dollars in debt.
I was an elementary education major, because I knew I wanted to work with kids. After working at camp, I knew I didn't want to be a teacher, but because it's what I had chosen, I thought I had to stick with it. It wasn't until Senior year that I decided to change my major. I just wanted to graduate, so I chose an English major. It took an extra semester to graduate -- I had to take the 4th semester of French in the Summer semester. I have a BA in English from Purdue University.
Empathic: I am empathic. I feel the energy from a room or a person, and absorb it. It affects me. It can be hard to switch out of it. I think I am a good judge of character because of it. Mark refers to it as my Spidey sense.
Empty Nest: Our boys are 18 and 20. The youngest graduates in June. Both will be working at camp over the summer and at school in the fall. I know they will still be home to visit, but it is the start of our empty nest, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. (see stay-at-home mother)
Eyes: I have brown eyes. I always wanted green eyes and red curly hair. The typical story of wanting what you don't. If I had to have brown eyes, I wished I could have light brown eyes. But I don't. I don't even have deep chocolate brown eyes. I just have medium brown boring eyes. Sometimes I look in the mirror, and I'm surprised because hubby and both boys have blue eyes. It seems weird to always see blue eyes, except when you look in the mirror.
Monday, April 2, 2018
Family Vacation
Vacations as a kid were a trip to Arkansas once a year, for a week...in August... to visit my dad's family. I always wished we could go somewhere else.
When Mark and I moved to Alaska for two years, we drove there and back again. Seeing so much of the country made me want to see more.
Once we had the boys, I was excited. Showing the boys all the things I wished I had seen, would not only give them what I never had, but give ME what I never had.
We followed Mark to Boston when he had a conference. We visited an aunt and uncle in New York and saw Niagra Falls and Fort Niagra. We followed the trail in Boston. We visited family in Pennsylvania. We stopped at the site where the plane went down in Shanksville. The boys were 7 and 9. They remember very little.
The next year we visited family in Pennsylvania again for Mark's grandmother's 80'th birthday. We stopped at the sight of the Johnstown flood in Johnstown, Pensylvannia. We stopped at the air and space museum in Ohio. The boys remember very little.
Then, we discovered the new camp director at Pinewood was someone we knew from our days there. His wife used to be a kindergarten teacher. They had two boys the same age as our boys. It was love at first meet. We got invited to come up all the time. What better place for boys to go? The 4 of them would run around and have the time of their lives.
Travelling the country became a distant thought. Especially since we paid for each of them to attend camp for two weeks. We couldn't afford to travel as well.
We are on Spring Break. Youngest leaves for college in the Fall. Oldest will have chosen his next college by this summer. Both will be counselors at Pinewood this summer. We decided to have one last mini vacation before life takes over. We went to Turkey Run today since, even though we live in Indiana, we have never taken the boys...because of camp.
It snowed about 2 inches last night. Would it still be a good plan?
We decided to go ahead and try it. It was wonderful!
There was snow on the ground when we got there, so not many people were on the trails. It was gorgeous!
We walked, and climbed boulders, and picked our way through creek beds. And laughed.
We had lunch at the lodge and went back out to try some other trails. This time the sun was shining and the the sky was vivid blue. Snow from the trees plopped to the ground as the sun melted it from branches. We followed one path that had fast running shallows. At one point oldest and I took off our shoes and socks, because it was just easier.
But dang, if it wasn't freezing.
Literally. There was ice in places.
But we figured freezing for a while, was better than wet feet all day.
We all climbed on slippery rock, and trooped through woods and climbed up and down, and up, and up, stairs. And we laughed.
I hope it isn't our last family vacation. But as stand alone time together that isn't a trip to the mall in Fort Wayne, it was a trip we will all remember.
When Mark and I moved to Alaska for two years, we drove there and back again. Seeing so much of the country made me want to see more.
Once we had the boys, I was excited. Showing the boys all the things I wished I had seen, would not only give them what I never had, but give ME what I never had.
We followed Mark to Boston when he had a conference. We visited an aunt and uncle in New York and saw Niagra Falls and Fort Niagra. We followed the trail in Boston. We visited family in Pennsylvania. We stopped at the site where the plane went down in Shanksville. The boys were 7 and 9. They remember very little.
The next year we visited family in Pennsylvania again for Mark's grandmother's 80'th birthday. We stopped at the sight of the Johnstown flood in Johnstown, Pensylvannia. We stopped at the air and space museum in Ohio. The boys remember very little.
Then, we discovered the new camp director at Pinewood was someone we knew from our days there. His wife used to be a kindergarten teacher. They had two boys the same age as our boys. It was love at first meet. We got invited to come up all the time. What better place for boys to go? The 4 of them would run around and have the time of their lives.
Travelling the country became a distant thought. Especially since we paid for each of them to attend camp for two weeks. We couldn't afford to travel as well.
We are on Spring Break. Youngest leaves for college in the Fall. Oldest will have chosen his next college by this summer. Both will be counselors at Pinewood this summer. We decided to have one last mini vacation before life takes over. We went to Turkey Run today since, even though we live in Indiana, we have never taken the boys...because of camp.
It snowed about 2 inches last night. Would it still be a good plan?
We decided to go ahead and try it. It was wonderful!
There was snow on the ground when we got there, so not many people were on the trails. It was gorgeous!
We walked, and climbed boulders, and picked our way through creek beds. And laughed.
We had lunch at the lodge and went back out to try some other trails. This time the sun was shining and the the sky was vivid blue. Snow from the trees plopped to the ground as the sun melted it from branches. We followed one path that had fast running shallows. At one point oldest and I took off our shoes and socks, because it was just easier.
But dang, if it wasn't freezing.
Literally. There was ice in places.
But we figured freezing for a while, was better than wet feet all day.
We all climbed on slippery rock, and trooped through woods and climbed up and down, and up, and up, stairs. And we laughed.
I hope it isn't our last family vacation. But as stand alone time together that isn't a trip to the mall in Fort Wayne, it was a trip we will all remember.
Saturday, March 31, 2018
Something to write about
Last day. I made it! I wasn't trying for any prizes or anything, I just wanted to know I could do it again.
Days when nothing happens are hard, because then I'm just writing about how I have nothing to write, in an attempt to write something...a convoluted dog chasing it's tail scenario.
Days when I'm fired up are hard, because I have to breathe and try to coherently convey my passion, without alienating whatever audience I may have at the time.
Conveying the passion is hard, because I really want everyone to jump on the float and travel the parade route with me.
Writing every day on a blog is hard, because there is no continuation as there would be in a book or novel. Every day is new. Every day is a blank page asking for a completely new idea-- some revelation or take away on life. But, like I said, some days really are just a horse and a wagon on Mulberry Street. That's why I think I will continue my Encyclopedia of Me on days where I have nothing else to write, so I have that continuation to keep me going.
Today I planned to just write Volume C for my Encyclopedia of Me, but we got home from spending time with my in-laws, to find our power was out. How long it had been out, or how long it would be out, were unknown.
We ordered pizza.
We played a family game.
The boys played chess by flashlight while hubby and I read by flashlight.
The house grew darker and colder.
I got bored and worried I would miss posting on the last day because of the stupid power outage.
But 4 hours after we got home to no power, it came back on.
We only lost two degrees of temperature from the time we got home.
I got to start a load of laundry.
I got to write this post.
Ironically, the book I was reading by flashlight, while under a blanket, was The Wilder Life by Wendy McClure. In it, she discusses her fascination with the world of Laura Ingalls Wilder. I was just at the part where she is visiting a farm in Southern Illinois, where people come to experience life as it was lived in pioneer days.
Every time we lose power is a reminder that I would not have survived in pioneer days. I like cooking on our stove. I like the washing machine and it's neighbor, dryer.
I like electricity.
Now excuse me while I plug in my phone.
Days when nothing happens are hard, because then I'm just writing about how I have nothing to write, in an attempt to write something...a convoluted dog chasing it's tail scenario.
Days when I'm fired up are hard, because I have to breathe and try to coherently convey my passion, without alienating whatever audience I may have at the time.
Conveying the passion is hard, because I really want everyone to jump on the float and travel the parade route with me.
Writing every day on a blog is hard, because there is no continuation as there would be in a book or novel. Every day is new. Every day is a blank page asking for a completely new idea-- some revelation or take away on life. But, like I said, some days really are just a horse and a wagon on Mulberry Street. That's why I think I will continue my Encyclopedia of Me on days where I have nothing else to write, so I have that continuation to keep me going.
Today I planned to just write Volume C for my Encyclopedia of Me, but we got home from spending time with my in-laws, to find our power was out. How long it had been out, or how long it would be out, were unknown.
We ordered pizza.
We played a family game.
The boys played chess by flashlight while hubby and I read by flashlight.
The house grew darker and colder.
I got bored and worried I would miss posting on the last day because of the stupid power outage.
But 4 hours after we got home to no power, it came back on.
We only lost two degrees of temperature from the time we got home.
I got to start a load of laundry.
I got to write this post.
Ironically, the book I was reading by flashlight, while under a blanket, was The Wilder Life by Wendy McClure. In it, she discusses her fascination with the world of Laura Ingalls Wilder. I was just at the part where she is visiting a farm in Southern Illinois, where people come to experience life as it was lived in pioneer days.
Every time we lose power is a reminder that I would not have survived in pioneer days. I like cooking on our stove. I like the washing machine and it's neighbor, dryer.
I like electricity.
Now excuse me while I plug in my phone.
Friday, March 30, 2018
Encyclopedia of Me: Volume B
Encyclopedia of Me Volume B
Bells: I have started collecting bells. We go to a place in Fort Wayne called The Wood Shack. It is an architectural salvage place. I love the old doors, and wooden chests, and old cabinets, but we don't have the room for any those things in our current house. Last year there was a beautiful cast iron bell, the kind that you would hang outside and ring to call the kids in to dinner. That we had room for. Since then I have added 4 other bells. The latest is like the kind a teacher would ring at a one room school house. I don't think new bells would have the same allure and I don't know how long this phase will last. But for right now, Bells goes on my list for "B".
Books: Our family has an addiction. My husband and I have been the dealers for our kids. We started them as infants. We put board books in their cribs. I read to them every night until they were in 6th and 8th grade, when homework took over. Scholastic books, once they started school, furthered our dependence. When we go to Barnes and Noble and they ask if we have a members card, we laugh and hand them our member card and our Barnes and Noble credit card that gives us 1% cash back on every purchase. Our library has grown to over 4000 books combined between the 4 of us. We just can't get enough.
Boys: I am from a family of 6-- 5 of whom are girls. (see also brother) The neighborhood I grew up in was all girls. Even my cousins are mostly girls. So, when we found out we were pregnant, I was hoping for a girl. I knew how to do girls. But we had a boy. And I realized I loved having a boy. He was happy and curious and precious. When we got pregnant a year later, I hoped it would be a boy, because now I knew how to do boys. And we were blessed once again with a boy. Now that they are 18 and 20, I don't know if I really know how to raise a boy, but I think we've done OK. And when I hear friends with girls talk, I know I wouldn't know how to raise a girl.
Brother: I have one brother and he is 13 years older than I am. He left for college when I started Kindergarten. I don't know what it is like to have a brother, not really. I have snatches of memory.
My brother is 6'4. I am currently 5'3", but obviously when I was starting kindergarten, I was much smaller. I vividly remember walking with my brother, him on the sidewalk, me walking along the wall next to him.
I remember him coming home and lifting me to the ceiling.
I remember him informing us that "roof" had the "oo" sound like what an owl says, and that coupon did not start with the "q" sound. To this day it is a pet peeve when people say "roof" like a dog barking, or pronounce coupon with a "q" at the beginning.
And I especially remember the time he came home from college... I was with my mom on the back porch where she was doing laundry. Ricky said something smart-alecy and my 5'4" stocky mother told him, "You're not so big, I can't take you over my knee and spank your butt!" I decided then and there to be good. If she could take down my giant brother (theoretically) that I didn't stand a chance.
Rick and his wife took my husband and I to shows at Purdue -- where we attended and they were alumni.
Rick paid for my drivers ed because my parents didn't have the money.
He is an engineer and the father of two beautiful daughters and 3 grandchildren. He's still more of and uncle because of the distance in age, but he is my big brother and I love him.
Bells: I have started collecting bells. We go to a place in Fort Wayne called The Wood Shack. It is an architectural salvage place. I love the old doors, and wooden chests, and old cabinets, but we don't have the room for any those things in our current house. Last year there was a beautiful cast iron bell, the kind that you would hang outside and ring to call the kids in to dinner. That we had room for. Since then I have added 4 other bells. The latest is like the kind a teacher would ring at a one room school house. I don't think new bells would have the same allure and I don't know how long this phase will last. But for right now, Bells goes on my list for "B".
Books: Our family has an addiction. My husband and I have been the dealers for our kids. We started them as infants. We put board books in their cribs. I read to them every night until they were in 6th and 8th grade, when homework took over. Scholastic books, once they started school, furthered our dependence. When we go to Barnes and Noble and they ask if we have a members card, we laugh and hand them our member card and our Barnes and Noble credit card that gives us 1% cash back on every purchase. Our library has grown to over 4000 books combined between the 4 of us. We just can't get enough.
Boys: I am from a family of 6-- 5 of whom are girls. (see also brother) The neighborhood I grew up in was all girls. Even my cousins are mostly girls. So, when we found out we were pregnant, I was hoping for a girl. I knew how to do girls. But we had a boy. And I realized I loved having a boy. He was happy and curious and precious. When we got pregnant a year later, I hoped it would be a boy, because now I knew how to do boys. And we were blessed once again with a boy. Now that they are 18 and 20, I don't know if I really know how to raise a boy, but I think we've done OK. And when I hear friends with girls talk, I know I wouldn't know how to raise a girl.
Brother: I have one brother and he is 13 years older than I am. He left for college when I started Kindergarten. I don't know what it is like to have a brother, not really. I have snatches of memory.
My brother is 6'4. I am currently 5'3", but obviously when I was starting kindergarten, I was much smaller. I vividly remember walking with my brother, him on the sidewalk, me walking along the wall next to him.
I remember him coming home and lifting me to the ceiling.
I remember him informing us that "roof" had the "oo" sound like what an owl says, and that coupon did not start with the "q" sound. To this day it is a pet peeve when people say "roof" like a dog barking, or pronounce coupon with a "q" at the beginning.
And I especially remember the time he came home from college... I was with my mom on the back porch where she was doing laundry. Ricky said something smart-alecy and my 5'4" stocky mother told him, "You're not so big, I can't take you over my knee and spank your butt!" I decided then and there to be good. If she could take down my giant brother (theoretically) that I didn't stand a chance.
Rick and his wife took my husband and I to shows at Purdue -- where we attended and they were alumni.
Rick paid for my drivers ed because my parents didn't have the money.
He is an engineer and the father of two beautiful daughters and 3 grandchildren. He's still more of and uncle because of the distance in age, but he is my big brother and I love him.
Thursday, March 29, 2018
Encyclopedia of Me A edition
This may be a cop out, but I'd like to think of it as killing two birds with one stone.
I've been planning on making an Encyclopedia of Me of my own for a couple of years now, but haven't gotten around to it. If I use it as blog posts, I'll at least have the journaling done in a short amount of time.
For A:
Ancestry- I became interested in my family history in 2012 when I started preparing for my parents 50th anniversary. I realized at that point my time with them wasn't going to be forever and I needed to get the stories I could. My mom had a typical middle class life and had good memories to share. My dad grew up poor and had few stories to share that didn't include working hard. Those stories led to a subscription to Ancestry.com and my search for stories.
Dad died ten years later-- 7 months before what would have been their 60th anniversary. Mom died two years after that. They didn't know the stories I had discovered. I continue to search for more. I hope to be able to share the stories I've discovered with my siblings soon.
Anxiety: I "suffer" from anxiety or depression. I had postpartum depression after my kids were born. I recognized it after watching Marie Osmond talking about hers on Oprah. Everything she said was me. I asked my doctor and he asked, "Is that not normal for you?"
He is an amazing doctor and I wished he could have moved with us when we moved away, but that question threw me. In a 3 year span of time I had had 2 children, found our first born might be legally blind, moved to a new house, I'd left my job that I loved, and become a stay at home mom. I didn't know what normal for me was. So, I let it go.
I became afraid of going out, being in public, being alone...
We moved here and things didn't get better. I asked our new doctor and she put me on a medication. It has helped...immensely.
I still get anxious about crowds. I still work on not getting bogged down. I still think...hard...about everything. So Anxiety is definitely under A for me.
Autumn: Autumn is my favorite season. I chose Autumn for my camp name. My husband says it is the perfect description of me. Stormy, changing, colorful. My birthday is in Autumn. I met my husband in Autumn. Autumn is sunshine and sweatshirts. If they made a candle that smelled like burning leaves, I'd have a collection.
I've been planning on making an Encyclopedia of Me of my own for a couple of years now, but haven't gotten around to it. If I use it as blog posts, I'll at least have the journaling done in a short amount of time.
For A:
Ancestry- I became interested in my family history in 2012 when I started preparing for my parents 50th anniversary. I realized at that point my time with them wasn't going to be forever and I needed to get the stories I could. My mom had a typical middle class life and had good memories to share. My dad grew up poor and had few stories to share that didn't include working hard. Those stories led to a subscription to Ancestry.com and my search for stories.
Dad died ten years later-- 7 months before what would have been their 60th anniversary. Mom died two years after that. They didn't know the stories I had discovered. I continue to search for more. I hope to be able to share the stories I've discovered with my siblings soon.
Anxiety: I "suffer" from anxiety or depression. I had postpartum depression after my kids were born. I recognized it after watching Marie Osmond talking about hers on Oprah. Everything she said was me. I asked my doctor and he asked, "Is that not normal for you?"
He is an amazing doctor and I wished he could have moved with us when we moved away, but that question threw me. In a 3 year span of time I had had 2 children, found our first born might be legally blind, moved to a new house, I'd left my job that I loved, and become a stay at home mom. I didn't know what normal for me was. So, I let it go.
I became afraid of going out, being in public, being alone...
We moved here and things didn't get better. I asked our new doctor and she put me on a medication. It has helped...immensely.
I still get anxious about crowds. I still work on not getting bogged down. I still think...hard...about everything. So Anxiety is definitely under A for me.
Autumn: Autumn is my favorite season. I chose Autumn for my camp name. My husband says it is the perfect description of me. Stormy, changing, colorful. My birthday is in Autumn. I met my husband in Autumn. Autumn is sunshine and sweatshirts. If they made a candle that smelled like burning leaves, I'd have a collection.
Monday, November 14, 2016
Thankful Day 14
Today I am thankful for flights that go as planned and land safely. And I am hopeful hubby's return flight repeats this fact.
What can I say... It was a super moon Monday. :-)
What can I say... It was a super moon Monday. :-)
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