Family Vacation

Vacations as a kid were a trip to Arkansas once a year, for a week...in August... to visit my dad's family. I always wished we could go somewhere else.

When Mark and I moved to Alaska for two years, we drove there and back again. Seeing so much of the country made me want to see more.

Once we had the boys, I was excited. Showing the boys all the things I wished I had seen, would not only give them what I never had, but give ME what I never had.

We followed Mark to Boston when he had a conference. We visited an aunt and uncle in New York and saw Niagra Falls and Fort Niagra. We followed the trail in Boston. We visited family in Pennsylvania. We stopped at the site where the plane went down in Shanksville. The boys were 7 and 9. They remember very little.

 The next year we visited family in Pennsylvania again for Mark's grandmother's 80'th birthday. We stopped at the sight of the Johnstown flood in Johnstown, Pensylvannia. We stopped at the air and space museum in Ohio. The boys remember very little.

Then, we discovered the new camp director at Pinewood was someone we knew from our days there. His wife used to be a kindergarten teacher. They had two boys the same age as our boys. It was love at first meet. We got invited to come up all the time. What better place for boys to go? The 4 of them would run around and have the time of their lives.

Travelling the country became a distant thought. Especially since we paid for each of them to attend camp for two weeks. We couldn't afford to travel as well.

We are on Spring Break. Youngest leaves for college in the Fall. Oldest will have chosen his next college by this summer. Both will be counselors at Pinewood this summer. We decided to have one last mini vacation before life takes over. We went to Turkey Run today since, even though we live in Indiana, we have never taken the boys...because of camp.

It snowed about 2 inches last night. Would it still be a good plan?

We decided to go ahead and try it. It was wonderful!

There was snow on the ground when we got there, so not many people were on the trails. It was gorgeous!

We walked, and climbed boulders, and picked our way through creek beds. And laughed.

We had lunch at the lodge and went back out to try some other trails. This time the sun was shining and the the sky was vivid blue. Snow from the trees plopped to the ground as the sun melted it from branches. We followed one path that had fast running shallows. At one point oldest and I took off our shoes and socks, because it was just easier.

But dang, if it wasn't freezing.

Literally. There was ice in places.

But we figured freezing for a while, was better than wet feet all day.

We all climbed on slippery rock, and trooped through woods and climbed up and down, and up, and up, stairs. And we laughed.

I hope it isn't our last family vacation. But as stand alone time together that isn't a trip to the mall in Fort Wayne, it was a trip we will all remember.

Faith and a License

"He will probably never drive a car. He may need braille. He may need a seeing eye dog." The doctor listed off the "cover your butt" list of possibilities for her diagnosis of albinism.

As we drove away, the tears slid down my cheeks. I was envisioning the life our 5 month old, first born, son would lead.

My husband, driving, reached for my hand and reminded me the doctor had to give the worst case scenario to avoid the possibility of law suits if they didn't prepare their patients. "Besides," he added, " at least we know he'll get scholarships for college."

At two our guy pointed out a double rainbow to us. At that point, we decided we would never tell him he couldn't do something because of his vision.

The more we learned about albinism from the albinism community we found on line, and watched our child grow, the more we realized the only thing we would need to keep an eye on was making sure he wore sunscreen.

He is a voracious reader but he reads normal print books. He just holds them closer to his face. He sat in the front row in school and had permission to get up if he needed to, to see the board. The district's vision teacher helped him learn to use a telescope to see distance if needed and advocated for him when the Project Lead the Way teacher for his engineering class tried to shrink 4 pages to fit on one two sided paper. Our guy graduated 9th in his class of about 280. He got scholarships based on academics, not because he is visually impaired. He was on the High School archery team and scored high enough that his score helped his team earn their way to state all 4 years.

However, driving was always the elephant in the room. We found out around 16 that his vision was good enough to learn to drive with bi-optics. Because of the time involved, he didn't start with the training until this January. He has been working with an instructor trained in teaching bi-optic driving for the past 3 months.

A couple weeks ago, his instructor came for an evening session to see if night driving would be a possibility. He came back about a half hour after leaving.

"Not going to happen," he said. "The lights are too bright coming at me."

I could hear the disappointment in his voice, but he tried not to be bothered by it. He also informed me he would be taking the driving test for day driving at the DMV soon.

Well, "soon" turned out to be today.

At 1, when I knew his test should be starting, I sent out one more prayer that he pass.

I had told him to let me know because I couldn't wait until I got home. At 2:15 I sent him a  text that read, "???"

While waiting for kids at bus duty I quickly checked my phone and read his text, "I passed!  Just took a while for the paperwork."

Relief, joy, euphoria...not sure how to describe the gift from God this is. He is a 20 year old young man who has been given, not only a license to drive a car, but a license to live a life that is as independent as he wants it to be.

When we found out all those years ago, I prayed not that it not be true, but that God grant me the acceptance of what it is and to help our son live his best life possible.

I've felt every day that God is good. Today his Grace fills my soul.

Thank you God for this most wonderful gift.

Today

When a small team of brave individuals come together for the greater good, the powers-that-be will sometimes come to their senses and hope becomes the light at the end of the tunnel.

Spring Break starts now. Hope begins April 10.

A Drive Through Amish Country

Indiana is not all in the same time zone. Here in the North-Eastern part we are on East Coast time. In the Northwestern part, where I am from, they are on Central time. Because of this, as I travelled on Saturday, the light on the farm fields was amazing.

I left at 8 so the sun was up but at that perfect angle that makes the photographer in me drool. As it is generally frowned upon to do digital SLR photography while driving, I had to be content with just enjoying the moments.

I had the new Ed Sheeran on the WiFi jack.  I love his music so much. This album is so personal and autobiographical my thoughts kept wandering to personal thoughts of my own.

 I was going to see a relative of my mom's who had old photos that she wanted help identifying.  I thought of my mom and dad, and the fact that the  anniversaries of their deaths are coming up. Dad's will be five years tomorrow. Mom's will be 3 years next week. I found parallels in the songs. Stories Ed Sheeran told that I wished I could do as succinctly played on the radio as the stories I wished I could tell played in my head.

I had to pass through Amish country to get to my destination. Passing buggies and people riding bikes with the sun bathing the fields in golden light made me think of my ancestors who settled in my hometown. German ancestors who rode in buggies and farmed fields by hand and hung laundry out to dry on lines are who I am from. I wondered if anyone else driving was in awe of the beauty all around. Do the Amish notice anymore since it is what they live every day?

As I drove, I thought about the fact that I was driving a vehicle and waiting for the part of the drive where I could go 65/70 miles an hour. A van that could comfortably hold 7 and that had heat.  I was listening to music I transferred from my google account to my phone that I then cast it to the WiFi jack, because the CD player is not working. All the while passing people who have no idea who Ed Sheeran is and have chosen a life that seems so much harder than the one the rest of have chosen.

The dichotomy really struck me.

Coming home, the sun was once again behind me and was starting to set all golden again. The relative had a portrait on the wall of my grandfather's family where he is between 12 and 15. I took photos of it. She had albums of my mom's side of the family that she gave me. There are photos of my grandfather as a young man before my grandmother or my mom. There are photos of family gatherings where everyone is in a big group. I had no idea there were photos of people at the beach or posing by the DANGER Railroad crossing sign in the 19teens and 20s.  I thought everything then was still formal and posed by professionals.  Every picture I see makes me want more. Is there someone somewhere who has a photo of my great-great grandparents? What about the other sides of the family? Where are those photos?

 I should be satisfied.  I know this. 5 years ago I had no idea the pictures I would now have. I am grateful.

Grateful but I want more connections. I want to see me in those faces. I want to see my children in the childhood faces of my ancestors. I want to know their stories. Are any of them the same as my story?

Grandpa is between his mom and dad -- the youngest in the family --born in 1897.  What stories could he tell if he were alive today?

I looked it up and the Amish do not believe in posing for photos. Perhaps the connection they have to the past through community is enough to satiate the need for knowledge of what came before.

I want more.

It's amazing what a little music, while driving through Amish country bathed in golden light, can bring to mind.

Bucket Filled

Youngest had a band concert tonight. Or should I say he participated in a band showcase. Every band the high school performed tonight. Advanced (son's group), 8th grade, and Jazz in the auditorium then Color Guard, Winter guard, and percussion in the gym, then Jazz band 2, Intermediate band, and 7th grade band in the auditorium, and finally Winter percussion and Winter Winds in the gym.

As we waited for the program to start, I saw one of my kids who is now in 7th grade. I said Hi, and he came and sat down with us. He is one of those kids that drove everyone crazy. He likes to put one toe over the line with a smile on his face to see where the line really is. Some felt it disrespectful. We had discussions on knowing when to stop -- that point being before the head of the adult in charge exploded. He is funny, and smart, and just a little bit of an imp. Love him. He told me he and one other from our school were in the high school winter percussion and invited me to see him perform.

I decided to stay a while and hubby and son came home. I spotted one a girl from school. Her sister came over at that moment and I suddenly felt like a rock star. She gave me the biggest hug and then drug me up to some others who had also been in my reading group last year as well as others from my school that were now 7th graders. I told them I would stay to watch them play. They were really good even though you could tell they were nervous. More hugs before they left with their parents.

The winter percussion was starting so I stopped in for a minute before I left for the night. Oh my stars were they awesome! (although I might choose different costumes).

After a day that had its ups and downs,  seeing such passion for creating music and best of all seeing kids that mean a lot to me ended it on a high note. I think I just may be a part of somebody's "educational story" and that feels pretty good.

Woefully behind

I had good intentions of writing every day what I am thankful for, but exhaustion and life have gotten in the way.

I can't promise the next days won't be the same. So some things I am grateful for on a regular basis:

Mondays youngest has newspaper after school so I stay after at my school and visit with one of my best friends. Her kids are in another district now and involved in their own activities so this is one of the only opportunities I have to talk with her face to face. It is a wonderful time to share frustrations and to laugh. She is one of my only confidants and I value the 45 minutes I get to spend nearly every Monday.

Said oldest son empties the dishwasher every morning. This makes the mornings so much smoother and I don't feel like I am the hired help. It has taken a huge amount of stress out of the mornings because I am not the only one working to get us out the door. For those with younger kids, it does get easier. I am grateful for that.

Husband is done with soccer now and is home on Fridays again. After the week apart, my very most favorite moment of the entire week is that moment when we are in bed and he spoons me. I feel so safe and cared for and knowing he is there to help with life again allows me to relax and breathe. That singular moment is what I am grateful for every weekend.

I have friends who have been married about the same amount of time that hubby and I have whose marriages are ending. Not for abuse or anything horrible -- they have just grown apart. I can't imagine starting over at nearly 50 by choice. I am so grateful for my hubby and the effort and work we both put into this marriage. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. Because of him we have two amazing boys. Because of him, things in his work world and concentric circles outward have changed for the better. He is a good man and I am grateful for him every single day.

We got to spend 3 hours with my sisters and their families yesterday. We are spread out in age and personalities and after losing our parents we could have drifted apart. We don't talk often. We don't get together often. But yesterday was wonderful and I am grateful we have each other.

And as a bonus, I am grateful they have finally come to appreciate the importance of the photograph. Memories can be captured by the heart but photographic evidence is wonderful.

And lastly for today, we got an email today that we don't have subs for tomorrow so I will be filling in tomorrow. I have to cancel reading groups for my K's and 2nd graders which disappoints me, but at least I have a heads up. Usually it is a last minute scramble. So I am grateful for early warnings of schedule changes.

Hopefully I can find more to be thankful for tomorrow despite the change.

Thankful on the 16th

Our school has one to one technology.

In the old days (two years ago) a cancellation would mean using a built in snow day.

In the old days a two hour delay for fog would have gone to a three hour before cancelling.

Times have changed.

The district has decided they can save money by going to a cancellation if the two hour delay isn't enough. If they cancel, assistants do not get paid. Only a few food service staff get paid and not for their full hours. Bus drivers get a lesser pay. No food is used. Utilities are much less. Therefore cancellation pays off for them.

I find it a slippery slope to on-line education, but that is a topic for another day.

I don't know if it's the full moon or the predicted snow this weekend but the kids have been bonkers -- a continuation of last weeks upended scheduling craziness. So when the call for a delay came around 5, I was happy. When the cancellation call came just before 8, I was ecstatic. Even though it means the loss of a day of pay that I won't ever get back, I am thankful........for fog.

And they are predicting more for tomorrow. :-)

Thankful Day 14

Today I am thankful for flights that go as planned and land safely. And I am hopeful hubby's return flight repeats this fact.

What can I say... It was a super moon Monday. :-)

Thankful Day 13

Our oldest is in college and it still takes some getting used to.

When I went to college we had a phone in our room but had to use a calling card or call collect. And the internet wasn't really a thing. Needless to say I did not have many conversations with my parents.

I told oldest I would like one proof of life text a week and he has been pretty good about it. And I have been pretty good about letting him be the one to contact me. Baby steps to independence.  (just realized the irony and poignancy of that phrase. May be the seed of a poem.)

Today I am thankful for the technology that allows me to keep in touch with my kids and they with me.

Thankful Day 11

Our principal is an amazing party planner and her best showcase of that talent is our annual Veterans Day program. She hand picks the kids to be in the program. She selects the songs. The music teacher and band teacher help out by practicing during class. In all, the kids put in about 12 hours of practicing over the course of 3 weeks.

And the effort shows.

We usually have members of the military there to help as well. They are members of the American Legion and family members of staff. It always brings tears to my eyes as we place our hands over our hearts for the Pledge of Allegiance and the National Anthem but they stand at attention and salute. I see the pride in them and feel it in my soul.

These military members also perform a flag folding ceremony for us. This is my favorite moment of the program. The first time we had it was about 5 years ago and it was the first time I knew that each fold had a meaning. I knew how to fold a flag but had no idea there was a meaning behind each fold --that there was a reason it looks like a triangle once it is folded.

 I really listened today and took so much from it. It made me so proud to be American. Things are going to be crazy for a while. I am excited about the possibilities of a Trump presidency. But I also fear for the actions of those who aren't happy. The words of the Pledge, of the National Anthem, and the Flag folding ceremony really bring into focus all that America means -- at least to me. If you haven't seen a flag folding ceremony look one up -- or at least look up the meanings for yourself.

Three of my nephews served. Two of my brothers in law served. Several uncles and cousins have served. I am thankful for their service. I am thankful for all those who volunteer to keep us safe at the risk of their own lives. We owe them all a debt of gratitude.

So today, Veterans Day, I am truly grateful for all our veterans.

Thankful Day 10

I'm realizing as the month goes on that it is hard some days to come up with something significant.

Today was a good day. We practiced our first evacuation drill and it went incredibly well.

Of course an hour out of the day first thing in the morning kind of set the tone for the rest of the day.

I'm thankful the ground was dry or frozen and not muddy.

Although we pray we never have to make practice a reality, I am thankful we practice.

We are starting to use elements of ALICE in regards to lock downs and for that I am thankful. I hated when we first started lock downs and had kids "shelter" quietly in a dark room. The young ones didn't understand and were scared. The older ones found it ridiculous.

We are learning and practicing other options and it has helped. While I hate hearing kindergartners speak of "bad guys" so matter of factly, they aren't really scared any more. The older kids have options no matter what the situation and that gives them power.

I hate lock downs and I hate even more that it is necessary to have them. But, I am thankful we are now being taught we don't have to be sitting ducks. In a world where people think violence is a valid way of solving disagreements, I am thankful we are being given options.

Thankful Day 8

I have kids in one of my reading groups that really want to read. The teacher they had last year did not and is not one who inspires learning. The teacher they have this year is so supportive and helpful. They listen to our coaching and try our suggestions and they are doing so well!

Today one child read a page of Three Cheers for Tacky that had so many challenging words. He never gave up. He proceeded with strategies we have worked on. I could cry. I am so proud of him and the others in this group.

I have a rule that no one is allowed to "help" when someone reaches a challenge. Individuals need the time to think and practice skills and these kids give each other that time. I could not love my time with these kids more.

Today I am thankful for breakthroughs and kids who try. God bless the kids who try!

Thankful Days 5 and 6

I am combining yesterday and today because we were in a land with limited Wi-Fi.

We went to our residence camp in Michigan for their volunteer work weekend. The same people tend to come back year after year and it is so fun to see the kids go from being on "stick patrol" to helping with more substantial tasks like painting and moving picnic tables.
There is always a new family or two that come to see what camp is all about and many are so impressed they end up sending their kids back for the summer.
Volunteering is important. Getting involved in something bigger than you and that you can be passionate about is important. Schools require volunteering. Colleges look at volunteering. Many jobs encourage volunteering. But I feel that volunteering needs to be more than a box you check. If you find that thing you love to do and find the organization that can use that skill, it won't be a chore -- it will be a bucket you fill that will overflow into your own.
Work weekends at camp are just that for our family. And I think for the other families as well. We are teaching our kids to give of themselves and to give back to those who have helped to shape their lives. Why else would most of us drive 3 hours or more one way to work muscles we forgot we had and get sweaty and dirty as we work to make camp a little better?

Because of camp I am thankful for opportunities to give back, and
I am thankful to all of those-- past present, present, and future-- who are willing to give their time, talent, and personal treasure to help ymca Camp Pinewood continue to change lives.

Thankful day 3

I am not a sports fanatic. I am not athletically inclined. However, I grew up near Chicago. And if you grow up near Chicago you are a Chicago fan.

The 1985 Bears. Superbowl shuffle anyone?  Mike Ditka is Da Coach.

Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Jon Paxton and the Chicago Bulls of the late 80s and early 90s.

I've watched games on TV. I've been to a couple of Bears games and they were fun.

And  then there is baseball. Husband and his family are Cub fans so I am a Cub fan. I have been to a few games at Wrigley and that is by far the better way to watch baseball.

Because baseball is boring. There is a lot of standing around in baseball. The games last forever. It is boring. But I'm a Cub fan by default, so I root for the Cubs and say, "There is always next year." when the season once again ends early.

This year after 108 years our Cubbies made it to the World series.

They lost the first game and I thought well at least we made it here.

Then they won. You start to believe it's possible -- really possible. And they were coming home for 3 games. Maybe they could win it all at home.

Then they lost.
And lost again.

But game 5? the last of the Chicago games-- and they won!

Hope resurged.

Game six we killed it. The series was tied.

For someone who doesn't care about baseball or sports in general I was holding my breath along with every other Cub fan. I had only checked in on my phone and watched the little play by play guy that showed the pitches and a tiny diamond that lit up green if a runner was on periodically so there was no way I was going to jinx it by watching the game. I got updates from hubby. Finally at 10:30 I checked in and saw were up 6-4. Then Cleveland tied it up. You could feel the collective groan from Cubs fans everywhere. I waited til the bottom of the 8th and then told hubby I was going to bed because either they were going to lose or it would be extra innings and I could not afford to stay up that late.

Subconsciously, I must have heard the cheering, because I woke up at 1:30 and thought the game has to be over, I'll see if they won.

I find out there was a rain delay and an extra inning but in the end the Cubs were victorious.

2 teams that hadn't won in decades meet in the World Series.
They take it to game 7.
Game 7 goes to extra innings.
The extra inning is delayed by rain.
The game ends with a 1 run advantage.

Today I am thankful for Miracles and for all those who believed it was possible every year for 108 years.

Thankful Day 2

I laughed out loud today. I went outside with the class I am scheduled to be with at the time as they took an extra recess. One little girl came running up and informed me that sliding down the monkey bars that are also used to stair step up and stair step down made it feel like she had "sparkles in her pants."

Can you think of a better way to describe static electricity?
I sure can't.

It might even be great in a poem. At least that's what I told her.

Today I am thankful for the amazing things kids say and their perspective on any given topic.

Thankful Day one

Growing up in northern Indiana, Autumn is the best of all seasons. The warm days and cool evenings lead to spectacular leaf colors. The angle of the sun is warm and inviting. Growing up in the 70's  leaf burning was allowed and in the country now, it still is. I love the smell of burning leaves so much, I would buy a candle with a "burning leaf" scent if it existed and they could capture it exactly. Being able to wear a T-shirt during the day but needing a sweatshirt at night is a beautiful bonus to Autumn's attributes.

If it were possible to hug a day, today was a day to bear hug. 

Younger son and I went for a walk after school down our country roads and as we walked the overwhelming thought in my head was, "What a gift!" 

Warm air stirred by strong breezes wafted leaves from the trees to shower the road as we walked. I love to take photos and as I listened to  my son talk about his day at school and what homework he had for the night, I kept wishing I had my camera with me to capture the angle of branches on the trees that were now uncovered from their summer layers. You normally think of "dappled" pertaining to the patches of light and dark on the ground, but the angle of the sun made the orange practically sparkle -- if it's possible for orange to sparkle. The sky was pale blue and made the perfect background for the colors of the leaves. I asked my son to take a picture of one tree in particular, that was stunning, with his phone since I didn't even have that with me. 

After we got home, my wonderful 17 year old son even agreed to humor me by collecting some leaves from the yard and tossing them in the air so I could get a picture of falling leaves. 

I wish there was a way to bottle days like this, but I guess if they were common we wouldn't appreciate them as much. 

For the beauty of the day and the gift of a teenage son I adore, I am truly thankful.