Thursday, March 23, 2017

Why writing is hard this month

This years Slice of Life challenge has been so difficult!

The first year I participated the entire month was 5 years ago. It turns out my father passed away on the 14th of March that year. There was so much to write about then...authentic writing. Easy writing.

Four years ago, there was a difficult class we were dealing with and there was all the emotions that go with getting to the first year milestone of the death of a loved one. Again, between the two of those things, the writing came easy.

Three years ago my mom had health issues and today is the 3rd anniversary of her passing. That year we also had the worst class in any ones memory. They are still the most challenging. This is the class that caused my friend to have migraines, so frequent and severe, that she has nerve damage to her inner ear and can no longer work. I had much cathartic writing to do and the challenge of writing daily was fairly easily accomplished.

Last year I had to deal with the loss of my friend and the one who treated me as a partner and not just some incidental helper. I had to deal with a teacher who treated me worse than an incidental helper. I was someone who should wait to be told what to do and she judged, criticized, and talked about me negatively behind my back. I increased my anti-depressant dose this year because I wasn't sure if I would be subjected to her abuse again. I changed to a new blog in case last years writing was too cathartic because it was easy to write every day.

This year, while things at school are better  in that I am not with that teacher again, they are just status quo. I am in a class with a teacher who taught the last 3 years in 5th grade.  She doesn't get along with her teaching partner who is also new to our kindergarten this year. The K teacher I am with is also going on maternity leave soon. She hopes to get another week after Spring Break before she is done for the year.

My other friend from the other Kindergarten room left before school because she got a job closer to her house and the culture in our building made it easy to leave.

Because of changes as to "Push In" or "Pull Out" services and the medical concerns of a child, I am fragmented and disenfranchised even further.

So much is happening that I want to blog about, but don't have the gravitas to pull it off in such a public forum. Broad generalizations are not authentic and I need to write specifics to get across the frustrations and challenges that have led to the crisis we now face.

So I struggle to find something to write. I can't find it in me to write about little things or small moments every day when there are huge issues going on that I can't put out in the universe.

So tonight I write about the struggle.
It's real people.

1 comment:

  1. I understand this struggle! It sounds like a journal might be a good place to write the burning story. I, too, have things I need/want to write about but can't in a public forum. You're not alone.